This week on Broad City, Ilana gets hired to house sit at a place with a washer-dryer set, and Abbi matches on Bumble with someone from high school. Hint: He wasn’t her classmate. As always, check out our contributors’s reactions!
When Danielle and Lindsay go to watch the episode:
Danielle: This episode is called “House Sitting.”
Lindsay: They’re gonna break something!
When they are in the apartment:
Lindsay: That laundry room is the size of my apartment.
Danielle: Do you think this is what Lady Gaga’s apartment looks like?
Lindsay: Do you think Lady Gaga has medieval decorations in her house?
Danielle: Didn’t you see her house in her documentary?
Lindsay: She could have five houses.
When Abbi and Ilana find the bidet:
Danielle: Oh, a bidet! Have you ever used one?
Lindsay: No. Have you ever used one?
Danielle: I did and I messed up.
Lindsay: How did you mess up a bidet?
Danielle: Oh, this is totally a plug for Bumble!
Lindsay: I still need to know how you messed up a bidet.
Danielle: I just got the water over places I wasn’t supposed to. Are you supposed to sit on a bidet like a toilet?
Lindsay: I just told you I’ve never used a bidet!
When Abbi’s teacher shows up:
Danielle: Do you think he’s an English teacher or a social studies teacher?
Lindsay: Umm… Social studies.
Danielle: I was thinking that too, but then I thought English.
Lindsay: He could also be economics.
Danielle: They made you take that class?!
Danielle: I told you he was an English teacher!
When Lindsay gets an entrepreneurial streak:
Lindsay: Do you want to start a business and it’s men’s business suits with shoulder pads?
Lindsay: Like, a suitcoat with shoulder pads, but for men only.
Danielle: But why would they need shoulder pads?
Lindsay: Why do women wear shoulder pads?
Danielle: Oh. You’re right.
When Ilana and Lincoln are dressing up:
Danielle: She’s gonna poop in her dress!
Lindsay: That would be two poop episodes with Ilana’s poop!
Danielle: But what if she eats cheese?
When Abbi and Ilana were talking about Home Improvement:
Danielle: I don’t remember much about Home Improvement.
Lindsay: I was watching Home Improvement in its prime. Fourth grade was all about watching Home Improvement on Tuesday nights.
Danielle: I think I watched Home Improvement on Nick at Nite.
Lindsay: Oh. my. god…
When Ilana pooped:
Danielle: I knew she was going to poop!
Lindsay: They did that!
Danielle: It’s fine, they can just use the laundry room.
When Ilana and Lincoln are sharing their Google calendars:
Danielle: We should do that.
Danielle: Share our Google calendars.
Lindsay: I think it’s time.
When Lincoln and Ilana decide to separate:
Lindsay: No! I don’t want Lincoln to leave.
Danielle: Wait. What happened?
Lindsay: They’re taking time apart so she doesn’t become the Doritos.
Danielle: Oh, that’s so sweet.
When Jaime is on the staircase:
Danielle: Spiraling staircase! IT’S A METAPHOR FOR HIS LIFE SPIRALING.
When Abbi is about to sleep with her teacher:
Danielle: Have you ever read The New Yorker front to back?
Danielle: You missed it! They kissed!
Lindsay: Oh no.
Lindsay: There’s just so much bad stuff happening in this room.
Danielle: A lot of things were broken, just not objects.
Danielle: Do you think that was Abbi’s real teacher?
Lindsay: Mike Birbiglia is her real teacher?
Danielle: Oh, I didn’t know it was him.
Lindsay: He’s trying to think of child Abbi!
Danielle: OH, FUCK HIM.
Lindsay: This is not good timing.
Final thoughts on the episode:
Danielle: The only teachers you can have sex with are the ones that aren’t yours.
Images via Broad City/Comedy Central
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