In the Disney Channel factory, they manufacture young actor-singer-hyrbids faster and with more precision than one of Will.I.Am’s crazy new 3-D printers — creating perfectly adorable, multitalented camera-ready creatures that can not only cry on cue, but can also sing, dance and hype the crowd in a rhinestone-encrusted ensemble accompanied with a matching wireless headset microphone.
However, not all celebrities were created with these duel abilities, they can’t all be Hannah Montana (RIP). I’ve compiled a list of my favorite female celebrities that have attempted a singing career, that was completely underrated, actively forgotten or just a plain flop. I arranged my list from “Oh yeah that sounds familiar” to “….wait whattt?”
12) Lindsay Lohan/ Ali Lohan
To begin this list, I must start off with my favorite sisters, La Lohans. Now, I love Lindsey Lohan, not just because the other day in Times Square someone told me I look like a “pre-addiction Lindsey Lohan,” not because of Mean Girls, and certainly not for Herbie Fully Loaded (Did anyone even watch that one?). I love Lindsay for her short-lived music career, that was so bad it was good. What may’ve been sparked by a rivalry between her and Hilary Duff over Aaron Carter (LOL), her debut album Speak, which released in 2004, was kinda like the amalgamation of Britney Spears “Toxic” meets Britney Spears’ “Everytime” meetsConfessions of a Teenage Drama Queen meets McNuggets.
And how can we forget lil Lohan whose show Living Lohan followed the nonfamous member of the Lohan clan and Ali’s attempt at a singing career. While the show got cancelled, at least we got Lohan Holiday, a Christmas album recorded by Ali and the single “All The Way Around” out of it. Because I mean, who wouldn’t want to go on a Lohan holiday? I’d really like to join the Lohan’s this upcoming Arbor day, cause they know how to holiday like no one else.
11) Paris Hilton
Long live the queen of Juicy Tracksuits (RIP), “bling bling,” and the creator of the tiny dog as an accessory trend. Paris Hilton ruled the world from about 2000 to 2008 (I blame the recession for her downfall), with a successful reality television show The Simple Life, a fragrance that smelled vaguely like a Strawberries-and-Cream-Frappucino meets a 6th grade locker room, while of course, casually getting murdered in the occasional horror film. Paris Hilton was HOT. So, the masterminds behind her career probably thought to themselves “singing career? Why not!?” Thus, the album Paris was released in 2006 and our lives have never been the same since.
And hey! She recently dropped a single with Lil Wayne because, in addition to being naturally gorgeous and an excellent business woman, she’s a DJ as well. Oh Paris, you’ll never be stopped.
10) Kim Kardashian
Now, while my favorite music video featuring Kim K will always be “Bound 2” by Kanye West, there will always be a special place in my heart for Kim Kardashian’s only single, perfectly titled “Jam (Turn it Up).” Kim Kardashian is kind of like the Paris Hilton of today, being not only a brilliant businesswoman, but also completely capitalizing on a horrible humiliating experience to elevate her brand and herself into one of the most well known, successful, most googled people ever!
HOWEVER, the single dropped in 2011 was….not as successful as her other business endeavors to say the least. You should really stick to clothing and fashion, you could always try Sears? (See it’s funny cause they have a Sears line…get it?)
But, apparently she’s trying to relaunch her music career… so there’s always that…
9) Heidi Montag
Ooooooh Heidi Montag, bless her sweet heart, Heidi Montag. While she seems to have fallen so fast from the media limelight like a wounded pigeon in this post-The Hills-atmosphere, at one point in time she and her beau Spencer Pratt were all anyone could talk about.
And this self-made music video was the icing on their TMZ cake. It’s not that it’s that bad, it’s just that good, you feel me? I hate to be mean, but this song sounds like one of those Rebecca Black Arc-Music-factory songs, and I like that at the end of the song Heidi asks the question that we’re all thinking, “Am I dreaming?”
8) Scarlett Johansson
Scarlet Johansson, whose had her fair share of being a music video female lead, stepped into the recording studio for her 2008 album, titled, Anywhere I Lay My Head. The album consisted of 10 Tom Waits covers and one original, which had a mix reaction from critics. Then she proceeded to cover many songs in different films throughout her career with hopes to work on her own solo project soon.
To be honest, she was totally doing that Zoey Deschanel- Lana Del Rey thing before its time, so kudos to you Scarlett Johansson (not Scarjo). I see what you’re doing and I appreciate it, however the rest of the world doesn’t seem to.
7) Leighton Meester
ie Blair Waldorf ie Mrs. Seth Cohen, ie everything I’ve ever wanted to be in life. Not only is she secretly blonde, but she’s also been hiding her really beautiful singing voice from us as well, UGH. I suppose she hasn’t had her proper moment in the music spotlight, other than her duet with Cobra Starship in 2009, which, re-watching reminded me how much I don’t miss that talky-bro-music that was popular around that time *cough* 3oh3 *cough* yuck.
Maybe she’s thrown one too many nair-tinis or maybe she’s spent too much time getting playing with Captain Oats in the pool house to be properly discovered, but her Fleetwood Mac “Dreams” cover with Dana Williams is to say the least, totally dreamy.
6) Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt is part of the brat-pack of 90’s teen celebs with three names (Sarah Michelle Gellar, you feel me?). While she released actually quite a few albums with a lot of international success, her music never really did it for us Ammuricans. But who could forget “Barenaked” which happened to be co-written by our girl Meredith Brooks of “b.i.t.c.h.” fame… because of course it was.
5) Nicole Richie
Paris Hilton’s former best friend and co-star of The Simple Life never quite had her musical moment despite being the daughter of Lionel Richie and being married to Good Charlotte musician Joel Madden.
I remember on the 1st season of The Simple Life she mentioned her singing career and love of musical theater, but I feel like she never quite had her musical moment opting instead for just being a plain socialite, which you know, is totally acceptable too. Here is a leaked single that never got a music video (but enjoy a fan-made slide show lol). Also here is an episode of herAOL webseries CandidlyNicole where she takes a whack at rapping and it’s as amazing as you’d guess.
4) Brittany Murphy
First off, R.I.P. Brittany Murphy. Not only was she our actual favorite in Clueless (“You’re a virgin who can’t drive”) but she also had a mini singing career that many people probably still don’t know about. For example, did you know that she was featured on the song, “Faster Kill Pussycat” by Paul Oakenfold? WAAAAT. She also did a few different songs for the movie Happy Feet, which is so cute and makes me sad, and makes me miss her.
3) Emma Roberts
Emma Roberts, who now is known as the bitchtacular Madison Montgomery of American Horror Story: Coven fame, had very humble PG beginnings. If you’re over the age of 24, I’m gonna assume you had no clue about her career as a tween. She was the star of the Nickelodeon show Unfabulous, which featured little songs she’d sing at the end of very episode, subject-matter ranging from new shoes to braces to why Jake Bacari doesn’t love her and so on.
The show was perfect for preteen girls who were just beginning to go through the feels, you feel? (These are the pre-Alanis Morisette years). So, to capitalize off the shows success they released an album in 2005 titled Unfabulous and More. Clearly, this was no Grammy winner, however it really was cute! Sadly, she has yet to touch the recording studio since
2) Brie Larson
You may recognize this dreambabe indie darling from indie films such as Short Term 12, The Spectacular Now or major blockbusters like Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and 21 Jump Street. But this lil bae was a child/teen star and recorded an entire album called Finally out of P.E. in 2005, and apparently went on tour with Jesse McCartney! The most unironic thing about my life is my love for Jesse McCartney.
The music video is very 2005, featuring panda-looking eyeshadow and a Napolean Dynamite look alike for good measure. And while we got a tiny hint of her singing chops again in Scott Pilgrim, WE WANT MORE BRIE LARSON (and or Princess Vahallahawkwind…jus sayin)
1) Tyra Banks
Now we all knew that Tyra briefly sang in the cult classic Life Sized starring our girl Lindsey Lohan (see #12), but do you remember in cycle 2 of America’s Next Top Model, Tyra had the girls assist her for the music video for her single “Shake Ya Body”? Homegirl looked FIERCE. Also apparently she did background vocals on a Kobe Bryant rap track obviously labeled “K.O.B.E” which is, like, the most bizarre thing ever to me. Tyra has left us on a major cliffhanger of her life: what happened to her talk show? What happened to her aspiring musical career? And lastly, does she still love Vaseline this much?
I guess we’ll never know Tyra Banks, I guess we’ll never know.
Also if you’ve made it to the end of this post watch this video as a gift to yourself #true90’skid you deserve this.
Photo Credit: A-listworld / Erik Kabik / Kimkardashian.celebuzz.com / rapfix.mtv /factmag.com / Kirk Stauffer / dvddizzy / AOL / Warner Brothers / Palo Alto Gia Coppola / The CW
