This Just In: Bedroom Politics Still Unfair To Women

by Rachael Roth

“I’m surprised that men are selfish in bed,” said no one ever. In case you had any doubts, though, this study, which surveys 24,000 students at 21 different colleges over the course of five years, shows that 80 percent of men had an orgasm the last time they hooked up with someone, compared to 40 percent of women. Men involved in the study admitted that they don’t focus as much on pleasing their partner when it comes to random sex as much as they might a committed partner. While some researchers suggest that among other things, “practice with a partner” leads to more orgasms for women, the same is rarely said about men. So maybe the problem isn’t lack of practice; maybe the problem is that we’ve all come to accept that women often get the short end of the proverbial stick.

 According to an article published yesterday in the New York Times, women are less likely to orgasm during casual intercourse than during sex with a more serious partner, even though young women are “becoming equal partners in hookup culture, often just as willing as young men to venture into sexual relationships without emotional ties.” The article offers that casual sex, as opposed to sex within a relationship, might not be conducive to female orgasm, noting that only roughly 25 percent of women can get off via straight-up intercourse. So, basically what we’ve discovered here is that foreplay is a rarity during one night stands.

 “I haven’t hooked up with anybody who was so cavalier as to just, like, not even care, but I think most of [the men] were somewhat baffled that it would require more than just them thrusting,” said interviewee Vanessa Martini, 23.  One of the men quoted in the article admitted that two people sleeping together with no strings attached are essentially strangers, making it awkward to discuss each other’s sexual needs. To me, this begs the question: ‘Why have sex if you can’t talk about sex?’

 In terms of orgasming, though, how often do men “discuss” whether or not they want to come? I mean, isn’t that sort of a given? If women assume that a man is going to ejaculate, can men not assume that woman wants to get off too?

According to research scientist Debra Herbenick, hooking up appeals to men and women for different reasons. For many women, it’s the spontaneity—not necessarily the pleasure involved. Some of the women interviewed in the article said that the intimacy involved in sleeping with someone can be gratifying, too, and that having an orgasm isn’t always the goal. One woman remarked that she feels empowered when she’s the cause of someone else’s pleasure.

No one can tell another person what they should want to get out of hooking up with someone, but we have to consider why women often find themselves in the ‘giving’ role when sleeping with men—and a huge part of me doubts that the men who aren’t “focused on giving” would somehow provide the aforementioned desired level intimacy. What about having your cake and eating it too? Can we not achieve a level of intimacy and also reap some physical benefits? 

What do you think? Let us know below! 


Thanks to The New York Times

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