Hey Style.com, My Sexuality Is Not a Fashion Trend

by Diana Denza


Dear Style.com editors,

I recently had the pleasure of reading your pre-Fashion Week slideshow. Wedged between “Is There Life After J. Crew?” and “Are You Sick of Prints Yet?”, I came across a story titled “Is Lesbian Chic Here to Stay?”. It was a definite eye-opener. Here I was, so focused on trivial matters like securing the freedom to marry, that I failed to realize that I am currently a fashion trend.

Previously, I was under the impression that I became aware of my sexuality at the age of 11, when I began to develop crushes on girls. Now I know that I was sadly mistaken. Evidently, I didn’t start liking women until I began to exhibit an interest in fashion. Since lesbians are ‘in’ now, and the “industry [is] stuffed with attractive young women, a few more of them may start dating each other.”

Plus, a handful of famous industry women have “ditched their marriages” to turn into raging lesbians –at least for a hot second.

One explanation for this sudden sexuality swap is that “trying to catch a straight man in fashion is like trying to catch a rainbow.” I guess I’m just lazy, though I find it odd that none of my female coworkers at my beauty industry job have suddenly decided to go gay.

But perhaps the best piece of commentary comes from Rihanna’s stylist. Clearly the expert on all things lesbian, he remarks, “I think when you see girls running around in Air Jordans and baseball caps, then yeah, something’s moved…in the past year, Rih’s wearing combat boots in situations where before, nothing but four-inch-heel stiletto booties would do.”

Oh, those stiletto booties! I used to own a few pairs, but after reading this piece, I gave them all to my less-trendy, still-heterosexual friends.

Despite the numerous upsides of being a fashion trend, there are the occasional tough moments, too. For instance, you counted not one, not two, but seven (!) lesbians in a recent issue of Tatler. Now, I’m used to glancing at hundreds of heterosexuals on the pages of the fashion rags I read each month. But we lesbians need to be more careful. While heterosexuals are timeless, lesbians are like neon accents: one is hip, two is daring, but more than three and you’re going way overboard.

I should probably send the memo to Odd Future’s Syd tha Kid AKA the lesbian It girl (because we can only have one). Of course, as you’ve so kindly pointed out, “you won’t see stilettos” on her.

In closing, I’d like to thank you again as soon as possible for this deeply profound piece on the “lesbian-chic” fashion trend. I’m afraid that next season, when the style world has moved passed this fad, I’ll disintegrate into a cloud of rainbow dust that vaguely resembles a pair of Air Jordans. You know how it goes.

Until then,

A Trendy Lesbian 

Image courtesy of Style.com

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