Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose have the incredible ability to tell it exactly how it is. They are blunt, they don’t sugarcoat, and frankly don’t often give a fuck what other people think. Their level of no-fucks-given is something we have all felt at one time or another. Here are a few times my favorite seniors have been completely relatable:
When Someone Is Really, Really Creepy
Sophia: There’s just something I don’t like about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but if I did, I’d have to wash it.
When You’re Playing Innocent
Dorothy: You know what your trouble is?
Blanche: Of course not.
When You Need A Really Good Distraction
Sophia: When I feel bad, I have to take my mind off it. There’s only one thing that does that to me.
Dorothy: Cooking a big meal…
Sophia: No, making love in a closet.
When You Need A Little More To A Story
Rose: Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time?
Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?
When You Try To Give Up Something You Love
Blanche: I tried giving up sex.
Dorothy: I guess you fell off the wagon.
Sophia: And on to a naval base!
When You’re Calling Someone’s Bullshit
Sophia [who is in a grocery store at the fruit counter]: Haven’t you got any decent nectarines?
Clerk: You’re crazy! This nectarine is beautiful! I’ve never seen a more perfect piece of fruit!
Sophia: Oh yeah? Then try kissing my behind — it’s a real peach!
When Someone Talks To You Before Coffee
Rose: Hi, Blanche!
Blanche: Must you always be so cheerful, you empty-headed Mary Poppins knockoff?
When Adulting Is Really Hard
Blanche: Dorothy, they’re adults, adults can do whatever they want to.
Rose: Not necessarily, adults are not allowed to ride the little horsey in front of the A&P.
When You Just Can’t Seem To Find Your Chill
Dorothy: Rose, what are you listening to?
Rose: A relaxation tape. The rain is supposed to relax me.
Dorothy: Is it working?
Rose: Not really. I keep worrying that I left my car windows down.
When You’re On A Crappy Date
Stan: Hello, mama bear. Papa bear’s back in the cave.
Dorothy: I could vomit just looking at you.
When You’re Not Quick On Your Toes
Rose: You… you… you rude person!
Dorothy: Go easy on him, Rose.
When You Just Want A Little Flattery
Blanche: How do I look, girls?
Rose: Great!
Blanche: How about sexy?
Rose: Oh yes!
Blanche: And sensual?
Dorothy: Let me handle this, Rose… Blanche, no woman has ever
looked better than you do right now and no one ever will!
Blanche [smiling]: Why thank you, Dorothy!… My goodness, Rose, I swear sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get a little compliment out of you.
When You Never Want To Move Ever
[A plumber delivered a toilet and put it near the front door]
Sophia: Dorothy, you’re a genius!
Dorothy: What do you mean, Ma?
Sophia: I walk into the living room and there is a toilet right in front of
the television set… It’s an old ladies’ dream!
When Your Friends Try To Set You Up With Someone
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, have I got the man for you!
Dorothy: No thanks. Had one.
When Someone Says “No Offense” After Saying Something Clearly Offensive
Sophia: No offense, pussycat.
Dorothy: None TAKEN, you cankerous little prune!
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