All That Glitters May Not Be Good

by Megan Hinshaw


Finally, someone has taken it upon themselves to create jewelry for that previously unadorned canvas, your crotch. That’s right ladies, now you can hang cute, sparkley jewels from your pants. You can even wear it with your bathing suit! The video for this is amazeballs, but if you are in the office, make sure to turn it down before you start it ’cause it may just knock your socks off.

SexyGirl Jewelry

Seriously, after watching this I had to check my calendar to make sure it wasn’t suddenly 1998. Brit & X-tina would have totes rocked this look on their bootylicious low-rise flairs. Though I guess back then, the dangley belly button ring had to suffice. Oh yeah, sorry ladies, this item is most def geared towards a younger audience, hence the name Sexy Girl Jewelry. Nary woman over 22 was to be seen in the promotional video.

This accessory is just begging to be linked to the “asking for it” argument of clothing being related to sexual violence. “I’m sorry officer, it wasn’t rape, she wanted it, I could tell by the dangling cubic-zirconium encrusted star hanging from her short shorts.” Ugh. Thankfully, this product is not yet available at Claire’s and the patent is still pending. I can almost hear the the cash register ca-ching as tweens across the country stampede the malls. My fupa can rest easy, unadorned for the moment.

Photos from YouTube


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