The Greatest Gift Of All: A Test Tube Vagina

by kelsey haight

Women born with a rare disease called Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome just got the greatest gift of all: A VAGINA. Although women with this condition have vulvas, they lack a vaginal cavity and thus live without many common pleasures of a vagina: masturbation, menstruation, sex and a deep, psychological connection with a coochie. Fortunately, by applying a technique developed in the 1990s, Scientists have discovered the ability grow a synthetic vagina from the patients cells. Then, boom, they implant the spankin’ new vag.

This condition, and the fact that scientists have worked so hard to give vaginas to these women should remind us all to love and cherish the vaginas we were fortunate enough to receive at birth! Let us all agree that vagina facelifts can be dangerous and kiiiinda shallow in comparison to not having a vagina at all. So, I am putting these cyborg vaginas on a pedestal and send high praises to the dude who led the research, Anthony Atala from the Wake Forest School of Medicine. 

Atala’s team took samples from the women’s vulvas and grew them on a degradable scaffold made of collagen in a lab. Once they reached the right level of maturity, the doctors inserted the engineered vagina into a cavity formed in the patients’ abdomens. The scaffold was attached to the uterus and a stent was used to hold it in place for the first six weeks. After just six months, the vagina was fully developed! Damn, this process is shorter then a pregnancy! Yet this time, the new sacred living organism residing inside you will be less high-maintenance and fussy then a baby!

I am most pleased to learn that these new vaginas come complete with normal levels of arousal and orgasms. So far there are no pregnancies from these vaginas but who knows what the future holds! Though Atala got a little weird and Dystopian futuresque when he said, “I don’t know how long it will take, but I do foresee a future when organs will be available off-the-shelf, ready to ‘plug in’ and replace injured or diseased organs,” we still commend his vagina-focused efforts.

Images Courtesy of Wake Forest Institute and Kira Scarlet

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