Selena Gomez Shouldn’t Be Defined By Her Ex – And Neither Should Any Woman

by Robyn Smith


Selena Gomez is sick of Bieber fever. At a concert Sunday night, the pop star stopped mid song to take a fan’s sign that said “Marry Justin Please,” crumple it up, and throw it away.

And she had every frickin’ right to. Why should she have this sign, which totally undermines her fame, just hanging right in front of her face? While she’s trying to perform, of all places! Whether the fan’s intentions were good or bad is irrelevant—if Gomez is on stage, it should be all about her, not her and Justin Bieber.



Fans have been heartbroken ever since Jelena teased that they were getting back together in November, only to break up again within a short period of time.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Gomez said, “I am so beyond done with talking about that, and him.” That was back in January—three months after the serenade outside her hotel before the American Music Awards.

Honestly, it’s—dare I say—sexist that both Gomez’s fans and the media keep asking about her ex. I understand that Jelena fans are rooting for things to work out, but Gomez deserves better than to be constantly bombarded by something she clearly does not want to talk about. She’s even trying to move on—TMZ snapped photos of her hooking up with Orlando Bloom at a club on Saturday.

“She didn’t mention anything after [the concert]. I got my paper back though. It wasn’t meant to be mean,” the fan told E! News. “I love Selena and Justin, and love them together as well. It was the second to the last song that it happened. She put on a great show though.”

Mean or not, the fact that the fan even brought the sign to the concert shows that Gomez isn’t seen as a talented, powerful young woman by her fans. She’s seen as Bieber’s ex-girlfriend.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time a talented female celeb has been identified by whom she is or isn’t sleeping with.

When Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt got divorced in 2005, not every fan was so quick to jump on the Brangelina boat (including my mom, who’s still heartbroken).

People didn’t see Aniston as just a talented, friendly actress (get it?). They saw her as Brad Pitt’s ex, and people still talk about his affair with Angelina Jolie as what crushed Aniston’s love life for a decade.

A woman doesn’t have to be famous to be forced to deal with this, though. Regardless of her age, class, race, or celeb status, any woman who’s been through a bad breakup probably knows what it’s like to be seen as a man’s ex.

Why should women have to put up with this crap? No one, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should be defined by her/his/zir ex. The only excusable reason anyone has for bringing up a past relationship is if its their parents’ break up, and even then, it’s iffy.

And the fact that women are often victims of this kind of targeted, demeaning, hurtful discussion just goes to show how society still defines us by our men.

It wasn’t fair to Aniston back in 2005, and it’s not fair to Gomez now.

It’s 2016, people. Move on from the bad romance.

photo of Selena Gomez via her website


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