Just pretend you’re trying to hold a grape between your knees….

by Jamie Doak

I actually have a V-Card.  No joke.  When I was high school a really terrible abstinence only program called Aim For Success invaded my school.  They were kind enough to inform us that if we had sex we would be like dirty, used toothbrushes and no one would want to use us again. They passed out actual Abstinence Pledge cards for us to sign (and if you didn’t sign you were probably a God-hating, disease-ridden slut).  But I think my favorite demonstration was the one with a present box.  So the dude would take out this really prettily wrapped gift and told us it was our virginity- it was new and special and everyone in the world was drooling to take it.  It was ours to give to our wife or husband on our wedding night- that’s the only time it would be truly appreciated.  But if we screwed up and gave away our “special gift” before we were hitched- we weren’t completely doomed provided we immediately promised God we would never, ever have sex again until we were married.  At this point the guy would bring out a smaller box from inside the first.  The smaller box was wrapped crudely with brown cardboard paper and tied with a simple string.  “It’s not as big or pretty as the first but it’s still a gift you can give.  But each time you give your gift it gets smaller and smaller and people will want it less and less.”  Because God-forbid someone would want you for something other than what’s between your legs.  

Seriously, I mean these programs talk about sex as something to be valued (which is a totally fine value to have) but then they only value women for their hymens.  They aren’t any better than the T&A shows on MTV telling women they’re only worth how well they can fuck.  Anyway, I hate to add to the media frenzy surrounding the charming Palin family but this headline from the NY Daily News was just too much for me: Bristol Palin vows no more pre-marital sex – and says other women should follow her lead.  I think it’s that last part that makes me cringe the most “other women should follow her lead.”  Thanx 4 tha advice, gurlfriend!!  xoxo <3 Jamie

I mean, if Bristol were out there handing out condoms, that’d be cool.  Or advocating for lower birth control prices or something.  But abstinence?  Really?  How’d that work out for you the first time, Bristol?  Oh.  Right.  Um, tell Tripp I say hi. 

I recognize that Bristol’s had a hard time.  All teenage parents do and especially ones who are getting a lot of unwanted media attention.  But taking a chastity pledge and telling other women to do the same is not going to solve the problem.  Bristol is walking evidence that the whole abstinence only thing doesn’t work and just sets people up for failure.  And then once their “special gift” is gone, they might as well do it with the next guy that asks.  They’re already dirty, right?  And of course, they’re not using condoms because abstinence only programs say they don’t work.  And that’s how you end up with a baby and a baby daddy posing for Playgirl and advertising for pistachios (wtf?).

 I’m just pissed at how unrealistic she’s being and trying to guilt other women into being as well. 

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