DRINK-CISION 2012: An Election Night Drinking Game

by Lilly O'Donnell

Now that we’ve all done our civic duty for the day (you did vote, RIGHT?!!), it’s time to sit back and wait for the election results (read: chewing our nails off, having a few mental breakdowns, and sobbing softly to ourselves while rocking back and forth in various corners). 

How better to ease the incredible stress of the final hours of this battle for our rights than with a drinking game? Follow the simple steps below and by the time the election is called you’ll already be on the floor, which will make it much safer when you collapse into tears of either sorrow or delight.*

Pick a news show to watch and look out for the following cues:

– Take a shot every time a pundit says the phrase “too close to call.”

– Take a small, ladylike sip every time they show Michelle Obama looking glamorous and supportive.

– Take a swig of beer every time they show Joe Biden’s smiling face. 

– Do a shot every time a swing state is called. (We suggest Colorado, Iowa, Wisconsin, Ohio, Florida, Virginia, and New Hampshire.)

– Finish your drink within the first 30 seconds of Romney’s concession speech, do a jig, then slam a second drink. Repeat for as much of the speech as you can without passing out. 

– Or, if the unspeakable happens, chug your mixture of booze and tears within the first 30 seconds of Obama’s concession speech, pause to sob, and then slam a second drink. Repeat until you pass out, so you can escape the horror for a little while. 

– Or, if you’re one of the tens of thousands of Americans who will be without healthcare under a Romney presidency, switch immediately to electrolytes if he wins to save your liver – since you’ll be paying out of pocket if it fails on you. 


*HUGE DISCLAIMER: As fun as it is to drink too much during stressful events like this one, we ask that you try not to get alcohol poisoning: know your limits, people!


Photo via whiskeygoldmine.com

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