Forearms: the final frontier. Or are they?
The Daily Mail asked the pivotal question, “Should YOU be removing all the hair from your forearms?” According to Mark Prager, Professor of Evolutionary Biology, YES! He tells The Daily Mail:
“While a man can have as many babies with as many women as he wants, a woman can have only a certain number throughout her lifetime. She is genetically programmed to make herself sexually desirable, to show off her worth…Removing all hair, a procedure associated with cleanliness and eliminating parasites from the skin, is one way to do this. Smooth skin has become a sign of health, like a peacock’s tail.”
I have, of course, been routinely shaving my entire body from the eyelashes down since I was two years old. Toddlers are surprisingly adept with razors! It’s like foreign languages and algebra: start teaching them young, and they’ll catch on faster! Now I can shave my entire body in less than half an hour, including the bottoms of my feet.
Not only is shaving all of your body hair off a requirement of being a woman, there are so many benefits! In addition to stripping your body’s natural protective layer of hair away, you’re also exfoliating away dead skin follicles! Who wants to be covered in dead things? Ew, not me! I’m a LADY. The Daily Mail acknowledges that there can be drawbacks: irritation, redness, and increased vulnerability to harmful UV rays among them – but that’s nothing compared to being caught with a stray hair below the neck BLEAAAAAGHHHH
I’m so sorry, that was the sound of me vomiting at the thought of hair. I’m just so dainty and ladylike, I can’t even ponder it! Everyone knows there’s only one way to be feminine, and that’s to remove all your body hair, and wear “very black” mascara.
WHAT? My God – have you been wearing “blackest black?” Why do they even SELL that color? One time, I bought “brown-black” mascara by mistake, oh heavens. I had to wear a mask over my face to return it to the store, I was so embarrassed, tee hee!
Just kidding! April Fool’s! Do whatever you want with your body! Screw the beauty standards. Nobody can tell you what to do! Shave your arms, or don’t shave them! Do whatever makes you happy and comfortable. Happy April Fool’s Day!
featured image via Courtney Adamo on Instagram, mascara photo via Laura Tou on flickr
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