Tears for Fears

by callie watts



(my eyes)

Even if I cry in the privacy of my own home I carry it in sandbags under my eyes the entire next day for the world to see. So, right now I feel like Bobby Brown, mid-crack battle. Last night I was having a bit of a family bug out and my girl came over with her Bloody Mary travel bar and we popped “Rhinestone” into the VHS to cheer me up. A couple other bros came over to help bring a smile to my swollen face. I had made plans earlier with this guy I had just started hooking up with. When he called I gave him fair warning, “I am having a shitty day. My eyes are swollen like a crack head and my bed is still full of sand from this weekend.” He was not fazed and said he would come cheer me up. I thought about putting some makeup on (after all I did have a zit the size of Denis Dimbleby Bagley’s boil on my cheek) and changing my sheets, but I just didn’t have it in me. He came over and hung out with us and as everyone drifted off and the Bloody Mary bar was kicked. I was still pretty leaky. He was doing all the right things, letting me sob on his shoulder and say the general stuff people say to try to make you feel better when you cry. After I had soaked his shoulder pretty good I realized it was 2:30 am. I needed to really get all this cry out fast or I risked the possibility of crying in my sleep which means my eyes gather even more salt and swell up like cartoon frog eyes. And I would definitely have a headache when I woke up. So, I thanked him for the shoulder and kicked him out. I feel bad cause it was 2:30 in the morning and he had come all the way to Bushwick, but I really needed to let it flow. I have no problem sleeping with someone I just meet but apparently I have a huge hang up with crying in front of people I just meet and slept with. I can’t be alone in this right? I just couldn’t really let it out. Wonder if inviting you over for the fourth hang out, crying on you and kicking you out is a deal breaker? Guess we’ll see, regardless I don’t have a headache today. And I listened to Shirley Murdock’s “As we lay” (I wish there was a video this is all I could find) and that song always makes me feel better. I still have to find a way to depuff my eyes, any tips?

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