OMFG Gossip Squirrel! Chuck Bass I wanna tap that ass.

by callie watts




I am not sure if I liked Gossip Squirrel last night or if it was just that I needed my fix because I missed last weeks episode. I was attending BUST longtime BF Emily McComb’s birthday dinner (check her out as the writer for our June/July cover story on Amy Sedaris), I hope she appreciates the sacrifice. I watched the episode over at my girl Dana’s aka Dirty D, who is an expert on bad T.V. She actually coined the term Gossip Squirrel, it originated from her love for The Gilmore Squirrels. I knew Dana would be able to catch me up on everything I missed. Here are some thoughts and Dana quotes on the episode after the jump.




Let’s start with Serena and Dan. I know Sis Traveling Pants use to be addicted to the cocaine but she totally acts like she smokes crack. Why would she ever think that telling Dan she sleep with two dudes while they were together would piss him off less then something she did before she meet him. That is crackhead logic. Also, the whole reason she is tripping is because she left the guy to die right, she didn’t really kill him or make a sex tape with him. Totally idiot/asshole move but you turned your life around since, right girl? I really don’t get her crack logic.

When Serena asked if Dan had sex with Georgina he said “we might as well have”. Ummm what does that mean? Did he lick it or were they playing just the tip? Maybe he “glue stick-ed” it (According to the Calisha Jenkins’ Book of Slang when used as a verb that means the act of rubbing the d all around the outside of the poon lagoon without dipping in. As a noun of course it means a dick the size of an unrolled glue stick). Dana thinks they did the scissor (you know just bumped uglies, legs spread scissor style).

This brought up a question that has always boggled me (I have asked many of my lesbian ladies and always get various answers): When does a lesbian consider herself not a virgin? Does scissoring count? My guess is it’s more of an emotional thing then a physical thing?

What is with Dan’s break-up style? After he dumped Serena he asks her if she has seen his friend. Of course she wouldn’t tell you if she saw anyone you know you assface, even if said person was standing right in front of her. Why would she help you, are you new? And what is with the slow dance? Is Dan playing just the break-up tip?

When Gossip Girl refers to Serena and Dan as “S and D” anyone else hear “s the d”?

Oh yeah, how can you break-up with that outfit! Amazing!

Moving on! Concerning The Mom of the Traveling Pants: If Serena’s mom married Dan’s dad I really don’t see why her and Dan can’t keep up the hump. Is that type of thing really frowned upon? I mean they were banging before the parents rekindled the romance and they are not blood related. WTF? Why is she stepping on her mom’s toes? I really liked when her mom said that you really can’t ever have enough money. I totally feel that!

Chuck Bass I want to tap that ass. Here are some choice things Dana had to say: “Chuck turns me on. Fuck the little goody-two boo boo” (talking about Dan) and “Chuck always looks like his panties are in a bundle, I just want to rip them off”.  And what was with the creepy conversation between Chuck and his dad about “feelings”, so weird and so hot. Also, who did he say he loved, me and Dana were too busy talking about his hotness. Blair, for real?

Now Nate’s dad: When I thought he was buying coke on the street I immediately OMG-ed. Who does a drug deal on the street. You don’t even buy nickel bags on the street. Take that shit to a bathroom or at least the back of a sketchy car service car.  Then it turns out to be an illegal passport and again I ask you, who does anything illegal on the street anymore. Google Maps son, everyone is watching you!
Not to mention all the street surveillance that is out there. Check this link to see all the surveillance cameras in New York. It is pretty peppered around the Gossip Girl hood.

Finally GLOVES! Hell yes! Spring has sprung and I love gloves. If I took anything away from last nights episode it was the fashion. Blair’s sailor outfit (with gloves) total 5 stars.


Gossip Squirrel  

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