The Hypothetical Nail Polish Collection You Need For The Trump Presidency

by Brook Bolen

There’s no mistaking it: We have to prepare for what life under a Trump presidency with be like. Many people, especially women, worry about what rights will be threatened, what freedoms they’ll lose. As a high femme, feminist writer who loves nail polish and believes in its ability to delight and empower, I’ve wondered how Trump could impact both feminism and my favorite cosmetic. In my mind, a prospective Trump-inspired nail collection might look like the following:

Orange Is The New Wack (a Cheeto-like orange that mimics the President-Elect’s tan)

Perfect for adding a fun, energizing dash of color an otherwise wack situation (work, a blind date, the next four years).

White Privilege (a winter white creme)

This shade is chic and on-trend, especially when used to hold protest signs, call Congressional leaders, and donate money to worthy causes like environmental protection, Planned Parenthood, feminist journalism, and the like.

Internalized Misogyny (deep plum with red and blue glitter)

This purplish hue is a reminder that every one of us has internalized misogynist ideas and rhetoric. It’s inescapable because we live in a world that despises women. However, this eye-catching color is also unavoidable, and is a reminder at every glance to consciously work to value women and the feminine.

Nasty Woman (the season’s must-have shade of metallic crimson)

Bold. Iconic. Divisive. Decisive.

Grab ‘Em By the Pink (an iridescent candy pink)

We live in a country where the president openly brags about sexual assault. This vibrant pink is a reminder of women’s strength and tenacity. It’s also a reminder of female unity in the face of sexual assault. It shimmers beautifully when you’re organizing self-defense classes for you and your friends.

Gold-Plated Promises (a gold metallic)

Metallics are hot in 2017, so it’s only fitting we pay tribute to them with a hat tip to Trump and his notorious gold-plated promises to do things like “Drain the Swamp” and represent the Average American worker. He’s a phony baloney, but this sexy gold shade isn’t: It’s legit flattering to all skin tones.

Conflict of Interest (a fresh green based on Pantone’s 2017 color of the year)

It’s all about money, and this beautiful green reminds of how important money is in politics and life. It’s a reminder to use yours wisely and support businesses and causes that are important to you. We vote for President once every 4 years, but we vote with our pocketbooks every day.

Popular Vote (a vivid royal blue creme)


The Fuchsia is Female (a bold, neon fuchsia)

In keeping with 2017’s inclusion of neon shades, this neon fuchsia is edgy and aggressively feminine. Like every woman, it’s unique, and looks beautiful in a variety of textures and designs. Its adaptability inspires us to recall how beauty often comes from pain and struggle. Let this be the case with all of us with the Trump administration.

Top image: Flickr/Creative Commons

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