Dates, especially first dates, and ESPECIALLY blind first dates, are hella uncomfortable. Luckily, you can now watch painfully awkward dinner dates from the safety of your own futon.
I watched the first two episodes of Ellen DeGeneres’s new docuseries, First Dates, which is based off a successful UK show under the same name. The dates all happen at a restaurant in Chicago, which is supposedly the place to go to find love. There isn’t anything you need to know besides what the title tells you. First dates, that is indeed what they are. Oh, and Drew Barrymore narrates for absolutely no reason.
It quickly gets cringeworthy—like cover-your-eyes-and-peek-through-your-fingers cringeworthy. Here are some of my favorite moments from the first two episodes:
“If you aren’t going on several dates a week, you’re doing it wrong. You’re doing your twenties wrong.”
To a waiter: “You brought the black folks some watermelon? Why don’t you just bring us grape soda?”
“All I want is to have a guy to sit across the table with, and work on our laptops, and we don’t have to say anything.”
*drinks water out of flower vase*
“Would you ever try human meat?” “Absolutely.”
*gets drunk, forgets date’s name, loses wallet and can’t pay the bill*
The true gems of the show, though, are the old people and the gay people. They’re the only ones that genuinely seem to try and make a connection. They also don’t make me feel so embarrassed for them that I need to leave the room. [SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT]
Andy and Jason make a connection and empathize with each other as gay teachers who have to constantly fight prejudices. They talk about their coming out experiences and teach an important lesson on tokenism:
“My mother decided all of a sudden that it’s ultra chic to have a gay son, so now she wants me to get married.”
They’re one of the few couples I’m rooting for. Another is Richard and Jeanette, who are both widowed and trying to find true love again. They talk about their late spouses and how hard life has been without them, which brings them together.
Richard tells Jeanette, “I believe there are two things people should do together before getting married… go canoeing and put up wallpaper.”
The two promise to help each other complete their bucket lists, and I couldn’t stop crying.
Every other date was so uncomfortable that it made me anxious. If you’re into that kind of thing, check out First Dates, which premieres April 7, Fridays on NBC at 8 p.m. Eastern Time.
It’s more bearable than going on a blind date yourself.
Photos and video via First Dates trailer
More From BUST