I asked my mother if it was okay for women to call themselves sluts.
We sat in her bedroom and had a conversation. I interjected only slightly for clarity.
She begins:
Actually, don’t call me a feminist, I’m one of the original feminists.
It gives you power to be a slut, and then you realize that all men are emotional doofuses, and it makes you realize that men should just be out hunting, screwing , and working. So, calling yourself a slut contributes to helping men be men and women be women.
Also, it ackowledges that women think as much about sex as men do, but we are able to handle it better.
Yeah, and if you call yourself a slut, other than in a war scenario, then there really is no such thing as sexual violence, because women have the power.
Well, one of the worst things that sexuality does to women is that it makes them a victim of men’s whims. And when women take their sexual power back and are willing to call themselves a slut, and say I like to sleep with whomever, then you’re making a desicion on your behalf, and if you get into trouble you are accountable for it. And…you know…you become accountable for the sexual occurences that happen to you and I’m talking about this from the point of view of an incest survivor. So, for me being a very powerful slut has been absolutely critical to my healing.
Well, the rub is because men cannot tolerate the fact that…well, there are two kinds of sluts…this is pure woman power. When I say I’m a divine slut, I do not give a fuck what a man thinks about me…this is a conversation that is beyond the basics of biology, but, in fact, it’s really a conversation about paganism and the original spiritual way of people who were able to function in nature. For me, it comes from a time when my ancestors (the Vikings) lived in such excruciatingly difficult natural circumstances, that the men evolved into giant warriors and seafaring people and poets and the women evolved into warriors, incredible weavers and the rearers of children. What happened in two-legged sexuality in pagan times was that sex was for two things: to procreate and to have some pleasure on a cold winters night, and that pleasure was equally doled out. And so, there were two kinds of marriages, marriages for territory and also for love.
There is the slut who has been made a victim by men, a man can say I’m going to judge you and judge your sexuality and that is going to be your value, and then there is the divine slut, who considers herself equal in her pleasure pursuits and who really does not rely on men to define who she should be sexually. The first kind of slut who has been victimized by the labels of men is the kind of woman who accuses men of rape, assault, they’re a victim, etc…blindly, and who uses sexuality the same way men do, as a power throw. The second kind of slut is accountable for her sexuality and she is a very rare being and often single by the way, because men are terrified of her.
This second one meets men on an even footing sexually and knows that she’s emotionally more evolved than men are, which is why she has a kind of sexual power that is way beyond what men have.
I ask, the slut still has romance in her, right?
The slut is able to love more fully and more clearly than the victim. She is very much a one man dog (laughs!) because she is able to take the confusion of he loves me becasue he had sex with me out of the picture and have a true partnership with a male who is actually emotionally and intellectually viable. And the slut is very much available for long lasting love, the divine slut, unlike the victimized slut, who is perpetually looking for a man to give them a label, to give them there go ahead sexually.
I mean, there is a reason that, for example, the women in Playboy are so fascinating. Because a woman who is in charge of her own sexual pleasure rules the world.
Why?
Because men are in awe of her.
And why?
Because she looks to them like…What men see is someone who is going to continue there lineage. It’s only through woman that the male lineage is alive. And like it or not, a woman with a beautiful body who knows how to use her sexuality is representative of that. Everybody wants what she has. And unfortunately, more often than not, the women who look like they have the most incredible availablitliy sexually are often the biggest victims because they haven’t been taught by their mothers that sexuality is power for women. Because sexuality and being a warrior go hand in hand. Emotionally, physically, intellectually.
There is action and there is being. To be a warrior and a sexual person go hand in hand with being emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually aware. That is the definition of the divine slut. And a woman who has all five of those attributes working is never a victim.
This post originally appeared on Medium.
Image: Helmut Lang
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