Size: a super jumbo tampon (because you can’t help it if you’ve got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina)
Shape: lipstick-ish
Sound: quieter than an electric toothbrush
Strength: your trusty Patagonia fleece
Satisfaction: it’ll get you there
Pairs with: a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale—safe choice, solid beer, drink of dads and nature bros
Let’s start this review of theTango with a Shakira music video of the same name:
Now that I, for one, am all hot and bothered, let’s talk about vibrators. I really like theTango. Mine came in blue, sort of a hospital scrubs blue, but according to my boyfriend (who is the kind of person who refers to his clothes as “pieces”), the “cool nurse look” is in right now. So, yeah. The Tango is a mini-vibe with eight different speed/pattern settings, and it packs a neat little punch. This vibe is your buddy. You can order pizza and watch Bob’s Burgers and make fart jokes with it, and then after you fuck, you’ll fist-bump. It’s so chill. It probably gets high and listens to Mac DeMarco when you’re not around.
I have very few complaints about the Tango. It’s less “Hips Don’t Lie” and more “Let Her Go,” but hey, Mac DeMarco is a cutie and he loves fart jokes. The Tango doesn’t have a whole lot of grip—it’s made of smooth, easily cleaned, body-safe thermoplastic—but that’s part of the deal with most mini-vibes. The tapered shape makes it easy to use right where you want it. I tried it for the first time in between cleaning my apartment and calling my mom (Hi, mom), and the Tango was, you know, totally cool about it.
This is a really solid vibrator. It won’t blow your mind but it’ll get you where you’re going. Hey, it’ll pick up a six pack on the way if you throw it a couple bucks.
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