PRINCESSA copy

The Vibratex Princessa (Girls Series)

Size: plastic Easter egg

Shape: plastic Easter egg wearing a tiny crown

Sound: a girlish whisper

Strength: the sass of a thousand Cher Horowitzes

Satisfaction: the bubblegum-snappin’ kind

Pairs with: a Phrostie

The Princessa is so cute it makes me want to CACKLE WITH GLEE. It looks like a sea anemone or a squid or a weird fruit or a cake! It’s so little! Eeeee! It’s from a Vibratex line of pink and white vibes called “The Girls.” And I’m such a sucker for anything that screams “socially enforced concepts of girly femininity”—Lisa Frank stickers, Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas, being ashamed of one’s own body—that I’m sold, sold, SOLD on the Princessa!

Also, as far as vibrators go, I think the Princessa is interesting, strange, and fun. I’m not so sure how I feel about the lil’ crown thing, I guess; the spines themselves don’t vibrate individually. The whole thing vibrates, most strongly at the center bud. For something that seems so dainty, the vibrations are intense. It’s like a tiny octopus is grinding at your clit, ADORABLY. And the on/off/more/less button looks like a pink buttercream rose. UGH. It’s water-resistant and USB rechargable, too.

This is the vibe for days when you’re nursing a hangover and eating leftover pizza in bed. You should use it while you listen to “Primadonna” by Marina and the Diamonds...

 

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...or “Lip Gloss” by Lil Mama.

Actually, there are so many incredible bratty/girly/self-celebrating princess anthems that suit this vibrator, I’ll compile some for you. You’re welcome:

 

New Fall Issue d217c

BRB watching all the videos Queen Bey has ever made.

Images: Vibratex

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