The Vibratex Princessa (Girls Series)
Size: plastic Easter egg
Shape: plastic Easter egg wearing a tiny crown
Sound: a girlish whisper
Strength: the sass of a thousand Cher Horowitzes
Satisfaction: the bubblegum-snappin’ kind
Pairs with: a Phrostie
The Princessa is so cute it makes me want to CACKLE WITH GLEE. It looks like a sea anemone or a squid or a weird fruit or a cake! It’s so little! Eeeee! It’s from a Vibratex line of pink and white vibes called “The Girls.” And I’m such a sucker for anything that screams “socially enforced concepts of girly femininity”—Lisa Frank stickers, Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas, being ashamed of one’s own body—that I’m sold, sold, SOLD on the Princessa!
Also, as far as vibrators go, I think the Princessa is interesting, strange, and fun. I’m not so sure how I feel about the lil’ crown thing, I guess; the spines themselves don’t vibrate individually. The whole thing vibrates, most strongly at the center bud. For something that seems so dainty, the vibrations are intense. It’s like a tiny octopus is grinding at your clit, ADORABLY. And the on/off/more/less button looks like a pink buttercream rose. UGH. It’s water-resistant and USB rechargable, too.
This is the vibe for days when you’re nursing a hangover and eating leftover pizza in bed. You should use it while you listen to “Primadonna” by Marina and the Diamonds…
…or “Lip Gloss” by Lil Mama.
Actually, there are so many incredible bratty/girly/self-celebrating princess anthems that suit this vibrator, I’ll compile some for you. You’re welcome:
BRB watching all the videos Queen Bey has ever made.
Images: Vibratex
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