Good Girls Don’t Kiss Until They’re Married

by Jamie Doak

Check out this 80s-tastic propaganda video encouraging teens to wait for marriage – no, not wait to have sex – wait to kiss.  “Because what does the Pastor say?  You may NOW kiss the bride.”  Dude, my mouth was first befouled when I was four and I was the flower girl at my cousin’s wedding and I tried to kiss the ring bearer, John Michael, in the church courtyard.  Then he choked me.  Maybe that was God’s punishment for being a trampy little toddler.  Who knows. 

What I DO know is that Pamela better pray real hard that she has some sexual chemistry with her husband- because she won’t know until the wedding night.  Of course, if she doesn’t, maybe her father can step in, because God knows there’s some creepy ass shit going on in THAT relationship.  


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