Questions for the Queen
DR. CAROL QUEEN TAKES ON THE GAG REFLEX
How do I get good at deep throating when I have a history of bulimia? It’s been years since I was active, but I trained my gag reflex really well.
–Down to Deep Throat
Deep throating is one of many fellatio options, and generally not even the most pleasurable kind for the person with the penis. Many people find it uncomfortable to do. You can probably get better at it, but you also don’t have to do it. Plenty of people give blow jobs that don’t incorporate it, and I believe I can speak for my buddies at BUST as well as for myself when I say that we share a motto about sex: If it isn’t pleasant, don’t waste your time doing it.
Here are some things to consider if you want your throat to cooperate a little better. Don’t try to do it on a full stomach; most people’s gag reflexes are set off by something beginning to enter their throat, but you may be right that yours is especially reactive. If you’re practicing on a human, they’ll need to stay still as you begin your studies — none of this face-fucking, ear-grabbing business. Sometimes lube helps. Make sure your tongue lies flat for the cock to slide along, rather than pulling it back in your mouth.
Breathing is key. Many people hold their breath when they give head, but this tenses you up, and any tension in your mouth, jaw, or throat is your foe. Breathe in, and let the penis follow. Breathe out as it exits. When your gag reflex begins to engage, don’t try to force it — this will just make matters worse. Another common mistake is attempting to fit a penis that is curved one way down a throat that’s curved the other way. Line up the cock, whichever way it curves, with the curve of your throat; it may work better to kneel over the person than in front of them. Then, take your time. It’s much easier to get comfortable when you’re in control of the pace, angle, and all other elements of the experience.
Fellatio is best when it’s active, not passive, and you should be happy with the experience as well; non-invasive head stimulates the mouth in a similar way that kissing does. If he tries to grab your head and shove himself in, perhaps you should hand him a melon with a mouth-sized hole in it instead.
that equation.
Carol Queen’s latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Books: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone
Got a sex or relationship question you need answered? Submit it at bust.com/sex
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Top photo: Nicki Minaj, “Anaconda”
This article originally appeared in the August/September 2016 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!
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