Whore-o-Scopes
Astrological Advice For Ladies Looking To Get Laid
October/November
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
You need to revisit what gets you off best. Reclaim your sexual power over the next two months by taking charge in the bedroom or using the toy of your choice. Mind games are Libra’s specialty, so change the power dynamic by tying them to the bedpost. Role-playing with your partner can also help light a fire if you are feeling adventurous.
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
You have been holding on to a dirty secret for a while. This would be a good time to reveal it to a willing participant or even a stranger who is on board to have fun with you. By doing so, you will really be letting off some steam. Scorpios love to be mysterious, but remember, actions speak louder than words.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
Take the time to explore what you have been fantasizing about. Tap into your animalistic nature by trying out things you normally consider taboo. Perhaps it’s time to watch some porn or make some of your own. Either way, break the mold and take advantage of your Sagitarian duality by letting out the animal in you. Your lover will thank you.
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
Heightened enlightenment can be achieved these days by going down. You will gain insight into your relationship and this new level of intimacy will either make or break your current situation. Plus, those who give will also receive. Capricorns are so used to being in charge, being submissive like this may be a welcome role reversal.
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
It’s time to read up on new positions or get into Tantric yoga, because you will be getting it on a lot more than usual. Try not to tire out! While you may be feeling insatiable, sex for you will eventually become transcendent and you may find yourself on another plane of existence. Aquarians are planners and like to study every detail, but in this case, don’t over-think your bliss.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to Mar. 20
Get off by getting vocal this season. Spice things up with kinky phone sex or FaceTime. Pisces have a strong need to be paired off, but don’t be afraid to get casual and just have some fun. Activities like giving good talk to an old flame may be just what the doctor ordered. It will stimulate you physically and also give you a confidence boost.
Aries | Mar. 21 to Apr. 19
If things have gone a little stale for you, don’t be shy—ask for help. Don’t be afraid to try something new but don’t force it either. Normally a very vocal and romantic sign, old-fashioned courting is something Aries know all about. Spice things up with a sexty texty or an old-fashioned love note.
Taurus | Apr. 20 to May 20
Schedule plenty of morning sex and you’ll reach new heights of pleasure. It will also be a catalyst in helping you achieve your goals. The energy of the sun is going to make you ravenous for physical action and give you extra motivation to follow through on projects. No stranger to marathon sex, a Taurus like you is always OK with spending the entire weekend in bed!
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
Gemini, this time of year for you is all about getting physical. Verbal flirtations won’t do—you’ll have to put your back into it. Geminis also tend to live in their heads and obsess over certain details of those they find attractive. But this fall, you should stop studying and just get it on.
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Cancers are really good in bed, but sometimes you don’t focus on yourself. Soon, however, you’ll be rediscovering all the pleasures of youthful sex and you’ll want to keep a record of your smutty adventures. Hickeys, bite marks, and other temporary physical mementos will be revisited, too. Enjoy the ride—you are the hottest ticket in town.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Give yourself a chance to be pleasured. Allow your partner to shower you with sexual favors, gifts, and orgasms. Give away some control by allowing yourself to be completely surprised. You are the master of your domain, Leo. But if you check your ego at the door and let someone else take charge for once, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
You’ll have some of the best sex of the year in secret spaces. The excitement of getting it on outside and the thrill of possibly getting caught while in the throes of passion will get you going and then some. Always a perfectionist, allow yourself to be a little more carefree, Virgo. It won’t be the end of the world if you get caught being a little (or a lot) naughty.
by Jonna Bond
Illustrations by Ada Buchholc
This article originally appeared in the October/November 2016 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!
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