Thanks Snuggie, Now I Can Wipe My Ass.

by callie watts

I went to Richmond, VA this past weekend for the LigerBeat (NSFW) benefit party and to do some dickin’ around down there. Saturday night I ended up at some friend of a friend’s house and midway through some dicktale stopped myself short and had a full-blown freak out over an empty Snuggie box. I wore the Snuggie for the rest of the night, in the bathroom for boner reconnaissance, took Snuggie back shots of nuts and butts (the only way I would part with it was if a nude dude was putting it on), three of us even hot boxed the Snuggie. The owner of the Snuggie (my new best friend who’s name may be Chris) finally said I could have it. I immediately took him to my Snuggied bosom and gave him the best Snug-hug of his life. I pretty much lived in the Snuggie the rest of the weekend. Wore it to the park for a LigerBeat meeting (it was 50 in Richmond, Snuggie and tank top weather!), slept in it on my friend’s couch (with a guest, totally room for two), rocked it at karaoke in DC while waiting for the bus and of course on the China Bus. I bought a Budweiser bathing suit that is going to look smoking hot underneath it probably with a belt (the Snuggie is not exactly figure flattering). I had to trim about 4 inches off ’cause I keep tripping up stairs. I am going to use that fabric to make some pockets. Snuggie is coming out this weekend for sure. Gettin’ Snuggie on the dance floor! Also have you dudes heard of Edward Snuggie Hands? It’s like Edward 40 Hands but you put your arms through your friends Snuggie sleeves until you finish your 40, straight sippin’ from your friend’s wizard sleeve. I got that from my bros Tony and Eva (RVA Cutthroats). Snug ya later. 

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Founded in 1993, BUST is the inclusive feminist lifestyle trailblazer offering a unique mix of humor, female-focused entertainment, uncensored personal stories, and candid reporting that tells the truth about women’s lives.

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