Porn V. Porn

by Emilie Branch

If there’s a camera with a steady red light on in your bedroom while you’re having sex, you’re technically shooting a porn.  This is a fact. If you’re boyfriend is holding the camera (even if there is no red light) than this is certainly true. You will probably break up, which is amplified if you’re a “celeb”. This is because more people (including the other famous ones) want to have sex with you than they do with norms, or because you’re a megalomaniac narcissist.  If you have size G breasts, a close friend called “Jen Bunny” who vouches for your religious attributes, and a failed record, than look out HEIDI MONTAG, Jenna Jameson has your number. She’s calling you out…on TWITTER. 

If I worked for Heidi I would have told her not to let her creepy former ex husband (Spencer Pratt, like you don’t know) film her during sexy time. I would tell her that he was creepy, and a sex tape would make her embarrassed in front of Jesus if Jesus saw it. I would demand to be paid highly, and in cash. Unfortunately for Heidi, I was not employed at the time of filming. Apparently, she’s been “crying” over the tape, and asking fans to pray for her. Luckily, when it comes to leaked sex tapes, prayer works. She tweeted: “Thank you for all your prayers I feel it working… it’s been a long day thank you all for your loving thoughts and words I love you.”

Jenna Jameson is a little more cynical about Heidi’s relationship to the tape. Let’s look at her twit now: “Why do people do porno tapes, sell them, make boatloads of money, then LIE about being victimised? I know one girl who sold her tape herself…I know one of the girls that acts so prim and proper and sold her tape to get famous. The others I just speculate. I own up to my porn, I don’t cry and say my boyfriend stole it.” Good for you, Jameson! When you make a sex tape, OWN that sex tape. Heidi is taking the more popular route, acting as though the tape was for his eyes-only.  I don’t believe her. She got over it really quickly, and it will probably make her money somehow.  More from her twitt vault: “Life is short follow your dreams and spirit…Live like there is no tomorrow”. Thanks, Heidi, let this be a lesson to us all.

 

 

 

 

 

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