Nuptials + Nosejobs = No Bueno!

by Lauren Rubin

I like to compare reality television to cheese puffs. I can always rely on them to supplying me with no nutritional value and a consistent source of instant cheesy gratification. When the giant size tinsel lined economy pack bag is dwindling down to near emptiness, I know that in a mere few hours I will be regretting my lustful snacking perseverance, and proceed to feel awful at grazing myself into a new all time low.With that being said, it’s no surprise that the E! network (the ultimate in doodle vision) , have supplied audiences with what can only be called a boob tube calamity, literally. 

Bridalplasty, a new show created by the same masterminds that brought us the Rock of Love  and Surreal Life franchises, is a program founded under some of the most superficial and repulsive circumstances that television targeted towards women has to offer. The premise of the show focuses on the only two things that women obviously seek through out the entirety of their lives, looking hot and tying the knot. 

Think one part Bridezilla one part The Swan equals the sum of all parts total repulsion. Contestants on the show will make a “wish list” of extreme dream plastic surgery agendas, and each week a group of women will compete head to head in assorted wedding themed challenges to try to be champion. The woman who triumphantly conquers the rivals standing in the face of her brand new face, walks out with her fantasy wedding, the surgical procedure of her choosing, and the faux satisfaction that she is the perfect bride.

 And If that does nothing to get your stomach sour, the groom does not get to see his completely changed bride’s face until the moment she walks down the aisle after her veil is lifted. Viewers will get to see first hand the possible emotional shock that comes with extreme plastic surgery. While in the meantime the losers of the show sulk and walk away with “nothing” and lose their chance to be the trophy wife.

 But before the winner can claim her prize, she must endure mentally and physically demanding challenges like writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t it difficult enough to write wedding vows? Putting all of your heart felt sincerities into one little piece of paper for everyone to hear is trying on it’s own without partaking in competition.  Wedding vows are subjective to begin with. How can you turn that into duel?

 Placing women in a setting to compete for plastic surgery is degrading and distasteful in more ways than one, but when you combine that with the fetishization of bridal culture it contradicts everything that true matrimony represents. Is it such a crime to find a love so true that the symmetry in your face is obsolete? How does the husband to be feel about his first kiss from his bride being a collagen injected one?

 I have a feeling that this show is only the tip of the iceberg for the E! network. I am just waiting with for them to launch a pilot for a show entitled Birth Race, where women compete in labor to win labiaplasty. Call me old fashioned, but in order for there to be an audience, their need to be participants. I’m not sure which end of this is more upsetting, the supply or the demand. 

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