If you’ve somehow managed to avoid hearing about this yet (kudos to you if you have), Miley Cyrus hosted the MTV Video Music Awards last Sunday. Everything was rainbow-colored. Kanye West said that he’d run for president in 2020. There were so many weed jokes that developing a secondhand high by simply watching the show was totally plausible. It was, truly, a sight to see.
The shindig ended with Cyrus performing her new song, “Dooo It!,” and then announcing that she just dropped her new album for free. Titled Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz, it’s a sprawling 23-track record.
I’m taking one for the team and listening to the entire thing. You can too, right here.
1. Dooo It!
Honestly… I’m jamming the hell out. I watched the VMA’s so this isn’t my first listen. I didn’t like the way it sounded live, but the album version is much better. I’m tempted to dance but I’m not cruel enough to make the ladies of the BUST office witness that. The lyrics aren’t incredible (“Loving what you sing, and loving smoking weed”), but most songs that make you want to dance aren’t poetic masterpieces.
Here’s the goopy-glitter-and-sprinkle-covered video for “Dooo It!”:
Via Miley Cyrus
2. Karen Don’t Be Sad
Am I actually enjoying a Miley Cyrus album? I think I am. I’m probably speaking too soon; we’re only on track number two. “The world can still be beautiful, that part’s up to you,” she sings. She’s recently become BFF’s with Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips, who helped make the album. This sounds like it could be a TFL song, which might be why I like it so much.
3. The Floyd Song (Sunrise)
This one’s about Miley’s Alaskan Klee Kai, Floyd, who passed away in 2014. Her voice cracks as she sings about her “son,” pleading that she “doesn’t wanna live without her flower.” I myself have a dog who I refer to as my son which might be weird to some people, but I really do love him like he’s my child. I enjoy this song in the fact that I relate to it; I’d be just as upset as Miley if my dog died under mysterious circumstances. As for the sound, it’s just okay.
4. Something About Space Dude
This is kind of whiny. I listened to it, like, three times and ultimately felt neither here nor there about it. If this is what “skateboarding in space” is like, it’s pretty bland.
5. Space Boots
This could’ve definitely been on “Bangerz”; it’s got the same vibe. It’s about this “space dude” who’s got Miley feelin’ blue. They’re both vegan! He’s not there smoking her weed! It’s a tragic tale.
6. Fuckin’ Fucked Up
This is a fifty-second long interlude to the next song which consists pretty much entirely of the f-word. I don’t know what else to say. Is there any more to say? No. We’re moving on. Six down, seventeen to go.
7. BB Talk
MILEY CYRUS DOESN’T LIKE “SUPER CUTEY SHIT.” Not one bit. This guy is nice but he’s ventured too far into baby talk. C’mon, don’t do that in front of your mom. Most of this track is just straight-up talking, which is cool.
“Shit’s ‘bout to get real freaky, I can feel it.” I said the same thing when both wine AND a party-sized pack of frozen mozzarella sticks were on sale at my grocery store. This song was just okay but then I hit the seemingly never ending na na na’s, at which point I deemed it unlistenable.
9. Bang My Box
Miley said shit was about to get freaky and with this track, it sure did. The title alone indicates that this song will be about sexy activites. It opens with instructions detailing where she would like you to put your fingertips. “It’s like you’re a zookeeper and you’re setting animals free,” she says, “you release me like a tiger that’s been locked in a cage.”
10. Milky Milky Milk
Yeah, the song is a weird, but that annoying robotic voice singing “that milky, milky milk” is where I draw the line. It’s so annoying. It’s stuck in my head. I want to buy myself a cup of coffee to reward myself for making it this far, but don’t want to say the word milk. Inevitably, I’ll say “milky, milky milk.” It’ll be awkward for everyone involved.
11. Cyrus Skies
“I’ve been alive but I’ve been a liar” is a damn powerful lyric and it sucks that it’s sung with sooooo much whine. This one’s really long and really slow. The pace of it does make for added trippiness, though.
12. Slab of Butter (Scorpion) (Feat. Sarah Barthel of Phantogram)
I’m a pretty big fan of Phantogram, so I was pumped up when I saw that second set of parenthesis. It’s definitely got the Phantogram sound, especially the chorus. I haven’t liked a song on this album so much since… so, so long ago. I feel like I’ve been in a musical desert and this song is an oasis I found in the middle of it. Is it a mirage? Will the rest of this album let me down? I guess we’ll find out.
13. I’m So Drunk
Miley’s so drunk, she can’t even explain what she feels right now. I think that the only time this song is enjoyable is when you, too, are so drunk and can’t even explain what you feel right now.
14. I Forgive Yiew
Like that godforsaken song about “milk” (Did she mean breast milk or other bodily fluids?), it is now stuck in my head due to its repetitive nature. “You’re lucky I’m doing my yoga or you’d be dead” deserves a mention cause it’s my new motto. I don’t do yoga, but I want people to think that it’s the only thing standing between their death and me.
15. I Get So Scared
It sounds like the more polished version of “The Floyd Song (Sunrise)”. This is a must have on your “I Can’t Get Over You But I Need To” playlist. Oh, you don’t have one? Yeah, neither do I cause that would be WEIRD right?!
17. Tangerine (Feat. Big Sean)
This song is so boring and then you hear Big Sean’s “Uh-huh.” You know it’s about to be lit. I wish it were “Tangerine (Feat. Miley Cyrus)” by Big Sean so there was more of him rapping over this beat. “Life should come with a sign saying ‘Results may vary’,” he says, “straight up.” Straight up, indeed.
18. Tiger Dreams (Feat. Ariel Pink)
Ariel Pink’s work is prolific and often pleasantly weird. You can definitely hear his touch on this one. She’s played this track live before in giant butterfly wings. Watch below:
Via Revolt TV
19. Evil Is But A Shadow
I fell asleep thirty seconds in.
20. 1 Sun
So good? So good! It’s not good in the sense that I’ll ever listen to this again, but good because the urge to dance is back with a vengeance. The first verse is #deep and there’s nothing like emotional dancing. It’s appreciated after taking a nap during the last song.
21. Pablow the Blowfish
Another track about one her dearly departed pets, Pablow (upset I haven’t thought of this) the blowfish. Like I said before, I’m a sucker for animals. I may or may not be on the brink of tears while listening to a song about a fish. Screw it, I am. Rest in peace, Pablow. It’s not goodbye, it’s sea you later.
22. Miley Tibetan Bowlzzz
This track is just Miley singing “oooooh” for two minutes and nine seconds. Not unpleasant, not floored by it either.
23. Twinkle Song
Miley lists a bunch of dreams she had and then asks (before eventually screaming), “What does it mean?” Dreams include, but are not limited to: someone professing their love to her post-karate lesson, a Gumby-shaped David Bowie as a skateboarding instructor, and robbing a record store.
Hours later, here I am; I’m tired and Miley Cyrus-ed out. Overall, the album wasn’t bad. Would I ever listen to the whole thing in full again? No. I can’t say I’m a fan of Miley as a person (though I do appreciate the work she’s doing with her charity for LGBTQ+ people), and I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of her musically now, either.
I can say there are a handful of songs of hers I now like, which is more than I expected to get out of this. I think she deserves some cred for making an album so far outside what people expect from her. Like she says on “Slab of Butter (Scorpion)”, “The only laws I obey are the ones I’m making for myself.”
Header image via Jon Ali Music Entertainment
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