As the world faces a pandemic head on and folks across the globe start to practice social distancing in order to prevent further spreading of COVID-19, many are stuck inside with nothing to do but try to focus on work and read a book for the first time in months. For some, the cabin fever is already setting in. And what are three things that can help when one starts feeling angry, anxious, and a little bit crazy? Music, dope women artists and screaming.
As we are all supposed to be washing our hands frequently (although, we hope most of the world was already washing their hands more than the media has made it seem), why not combine the need to scream song lyrics into the deep, never ending void that is quarantine and being sanitary? Apparently, to fully get viruses and bacteria off your hands, you need to wash your hands for a good 20 seconds. So, here is a list of feminist anthems with choruses that last appoximately 20 seconds. Because who in god’s name wants to hear “Happy Birthday” more than they have to?
1. “Toxic” by Britney Spears
This one feels the most fitting as what’s lurking on your palms and under your finger nails could quite literally be toxic. Why not sing along with the princess of pop herself when you wash?
With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride
You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?
2. “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac)
We’re gonna go ahead and ignore the fact that there are dudes in Fleetwood Mac, because who cares about anyone but Stevie anyway? Hum along to this folk classic while imagining that bizzare video that surfaced of Lindsay Lohan dancing to it at her villa Mykonos. It’s just like being at the beach, right?
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh, I’m getting older too
3. “Jolene” by Dolly Parton
We had to resist just putting 10 Dolly Parton songs on this list and calling it a day. But apparently, this one is exactly 20 seconds long. So, have a field day rinsing with the country queen.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can
4. “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo
“WHY ARE MEN GREAT TILL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT?” As if you weren’t already singing this song all the time before Covid-19 hit, it comes even more in handy now that you might get bored while sudsing up your hands.
Why men great ’til they gotta be great? (‘Til they gotta be great)
Don’t text me, tell it straight to my face (Tell it straight to my face)
Best friend sat me down in the salon chair (Down in the salon chair)
Shampoo press, get you out of my hair
Fresh photos with the bomb lighting (With the bomb lighting)
New man on the Minnesota Vikings (Minnesota Vikings)
Truth hurts, needed something more exciting (Yee)
Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay (Eh, yeah, yeah, yeah)
5. “Love On Top” by Beyonce
Yes, Bey does in fact have a song with a 20 second chorus. You’re welcome. Now, bonus points if you can hit the high notes.
Baby, it’s you, you’re the one I love
You’re the one I need, you’re the only one I see
Come on, baby, it’s you
You’re the one that gives your all
You’re the one I can always call
When I need you, make everything stop
Finally, you put my love on top
6. “No Scrubs” by TLC
TLC might not want no scrubs, but you better scrub those filthy hands! And think back to 1999 when this song was out and everything was kind of okay while doing so.
No, I don’t want no scrubs
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hangin’ out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me (Whoo)
I don’t want no scrubs
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hangin’ out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me
7. “Hips Don’t Lie” By Shakira
Yes, ma’am! You can shake those hips, sing Shakira and wash your hands all at the same time. 20 seconds of this counts as exercise, right? Its almost as good as going to that Zumba class you’re gonna have to miss for a few weeks.
I’m on tonight
My hips don’t lie
And I’m starting to feel you boy
Come on let’s go, real slow
Baby, like this is perfecto (No fighting)
Oh, you know I’m on tonight
My hips don’t lie
And I’m starting to feel it’s right
The attraction, the tension
Baby, like this is perfection
8. “National Anthem” by Lana Del Rey
After being in self isolation for a few days, sad girl hours are bound to hit. So why not break out a bit of Lana Del Rey while you sanitize?
Tell me I’m your national anthem
(Booyah, baby, bow down, making me so wow now)
Tell me I’m your national anthem
(Sugar sugar, how now, take your body downtown)
Red, white, blue is in the sky
Summer’s in the air and, baby, heaven’s in your eyes
I’m your national anthem
Money is the reason we exist
Everybody knows it, it’s a fact
Kiss, kiss
9. “New Rules” by Dua Lipa
Dua Lipa came through with one of the catchiest, feminist choruses of all time for your hand-washing pleasure. This one even has numbers in it in case you get lost.
One: Don’t pick up the phone
You know he’s only callin’ ’cause he’s drunk and alone
Two: Don’t let him in
You’ll have to kick him out again
Three: Don’t be his friend
You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if you’re under him, you ain’t gettin’ over him
I got new rules, I count ’em
I got new rules, I count ’em
I gotta tell them to myself
I got new rules, I count ’em
I gotta tell them to myself
10. “My Neck, My Back” by Khia
If this iconic bop doesn’t still get stuck in your head from time to time, then you’re certainly in the minority. Why not put Khia randomly popping into your subconcious and singing about top to good use? Sing along with her while you soap up!
All you ladies pop your pussy like this
Shake your body: don’t stop, don’t miss
All you ladies pop your pussy like this
Shake your body: don’t stop, don’t miss
Just do it, do it
Do it, do it, do it now
Lick it good, suck this pussy just like you should
Right now, lick it good
Suck this pussy just like you should
My neck, my back
Lick my pussy and my crack
11. “What’s Love Got To Do With It” by Tina Turner
What’s love got to do with it? Literally nothing. Just wash your damn hands.
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a second-hand emotion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Header Image courtesy of Pink/RCA via YouTube
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