Boobs. Chest. Titties. Bosom. Melons. Knockers. Mammary glands.
Humans have created a plethora of words to describe breasts. And there’s no denying it: the world is obsessed with boobs.
And, why not? Boobs are wonderful and lovely. They’re the greatest symbol of female sexuality, and also—let’s not forget their most important purpose—nourish the little growing minds and bodies of our future generations.
As a woman, I’m very happy I have breasts. They’re soft. They look good in small fleece sweaters. And I have a constant excuse to drop $50 on frisky lace bras.
But, with adoration and obsession also comes criticism. And, as always, most people take criticism too far.
This year’s SAG Awards served as the official 2016 Boob-Hate Fest.
Susan Sarandon attended the awards show in a low-cut sateen Max Mara suit. The 69-year old actress’s large cleavage was blatantly displayed.
Social media erupted with furious posts about her revealing outfit. Internet trolls claimed the SAG Awards now had an entirely new—rather droopy—meaning.
First of all, Susan Sarandon is 69-years-old. SIXTY NINE. And her boobs still look like THAT. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the Boob Gods can bless a fortunate soul better. Susan is #blessed. Let’s all take a moment to salute her flawless cleavage.
I wish my boobs looked like Sarandon’s. And I’m 22 (but that’s not to say I’m knocking my own knockers, they ain’t shabby, just sayin’).
Sarandon was also nominated for her role in, “The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe”. Yes, this talented woman is, in fact, more than just her amazing chest and impeccable taste in white sateen suits.
The only thing left to do (including wearing low-cut tops well into our later years to celebrate breasts and spite the haters) is ask ourselves this question: If in Sarandon’s shoes, what would Marilyn do?
Marilyn would do exactly what Sarandon did. Wear something white and sexy, and not give a f*ck what anybody else thinks. Because she knows she’s an amazing, perfect, beautiful woman.
And that’s what matters. That’s what each of us need to reach for. Because every woman is beautiful, perfect, and amazing. Especially when she is comfortable knowing it.
Let’s hope breast hate—and woman hate—will stop. Everyone should just agree that boobs are lovely and wonderful—and maybe nature’s greatest invention thus far (with the exception of orgasms, chocolate, and Bradley Cooper). Sound good? Great.
And—anyways—even if Sarandon’s boobs didn’t look amazing, who cares? She can do whatever the hell she wants. Because she’s f*cking Susan Sarandon. End of story.
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