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Darcy Lockman’s “All The Rage” Reassures All The Feelings

by BUST Magazine

All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership
By Darcy Lockman

Have phrases like “mental load” and “emotional labor” been buzzing around your social circle recently? All the Rage by journalist/psychologist Darcy Lockman dives deep into how progressive relationships allegedly concerned with these concepts suddenly become more traditional when children enter the equation. Apparently, once a woman becomes a mother, she is suddenly “in charge of the tracking and the knowing and the thinking and the planning and the feeding and the caring and the checking and the doing unless she has worked to make other arrangements.”

Lockman cites social scientists and feminist leaders to explain this phenomenon, but the most memorable quotes here are from women across America sharing the surprise, anger, resentment, and defeat they felt when they realized their expectations of equal partnership were far from reality. This was not true, however, for gay couples. Why? “Without the double-edged sword of gendered assumptions,” Lockman writes, “they are more likely to communicate their needs and preferences around parenting work.” Let’s hope All the Rage is able to spark similar communication breakthroughs for straight readers and their partners as well. (3/5)

By Gina Marie Vasoli

All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership was published on May 7, 2019. This article originally appeared in the September/October 2019 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!


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Founded in 1993, BUST is the inclusive feminist lifestyle trailblazer offering a unique mix of humor, female-focused entertainment, uncensored personal stories, and candid reporting that tells the truth about women’s lives.

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