Thanks for the heads up, China.
…But, if I could explain the calf pain, can I then use it on my calf pain? Let me know. We love Babeland vibrators regardless.
Note to self: Pick up double A batteries. Can’t bear the shame of using my parent’s living room TV-remote batteries another day. I use them and put them back, same night service. No problem. But, I know one night, I’m gonna fall asleep and hear this the next day:
Mom: Tom,… the remote’s not working
Dad: Probably the batteries
Mom: *takes remote cover off* Yeah, Tom…the batteries are gone
Dad: The batteries are gone? Whad’ya mean the batteries are gone?
Mom: The batteries. They’re gone.
Dad: Well where did they go? *ssskkkssshhhkkk-opens Budweiser*
Mom: Well, I don’t know, Tom. That’s why I’m asking you
Dad: Well, I don’t know where they went…
Mom: Brooke must have taken them out (gets up to manually put on Dr. House)
(later that night)
Mom: Brooke, did you take the batteries out of the TV remote?
Me: Um, what TV remote?
Mom: The living room TV remote?
Me: Oh,…hmm….I didn’t even know that TV had a remote. That TV has a remote? I never noticed. I don’t really pay attention to your TV’s
Mom: So, you didn’t take the batteries out of the remote?
Me: I don’t know? I’m so busy lately mom, I can’t remember. Maybe I did…I’ll just take the blame for it, like I do for everything else
Mom: Well, fine. Whatever. You don’t have to lie. Can you just put them back, please
Me: Fine. I guess. I mean, you don’t have to attack me about this
Mom: I’m not attacking you
Me: Coulda fooled me
Mom: Just put them back
Me: FINE!!!!!
Mom: Brooke, RELAX. Just put them back
Me: YOU RELAX!!!
Mom: What?! What IS your problem?
Me: MYYYY PROBLEM?!!!!???? WHAT’S YYYYooooooouuuuuuuuRRRR PROBLEM?
Mom: You need to calm down
Me: OOOOHHHHHH, I NEED TO CALM DOWN??!!
Mom: Yes
Me: Oh,… OK, like I guess you know EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Mom: I’m not having this conversation with you. Just put them back
Me: OOOOHHHH, RIGHT- cause you’re ALWAYS right and I’m always WRONG!!!
Mom: WHAT IS wrong with you?
Me: WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME???!!!
Mom: YEAH??!!
Me: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, RRRRIIIIgggggHHHTTTT, I’M sorry. You’re perfect.
Mom: What is your PROBLEM?!
Me: (it dawns on me I might have a problem) Uh,…uh…I think, I uh…think-I-just, uh,…I think I just, need to uh- get, uh,..I think I just need to get… I just need to get, la–….I JUST NEED TO GET–UPSTAIRS TO LAY DOWN. ALONE! UPSTAIRS! HERE I GO!!! *storms out*
Me: (shouting down- as I climb the stairs) I’ll get your PRECIOUS BATTERIES back in your stupid TV remote, SORRY! I HAVE THINGS TO DO WITH BATTERIES. Not like you would understand. Cause you don’t “understand” technology. (escapes into bedoom/attic directly above mom and dad’s room in mom and dad’s house under mom and dad’s roof)
Me: ( to no one) FINE! THANKS FOR ASKING! THAT’S GREAT! AWESOME. SOooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooo HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!! PROLLY SHUD JUST KILL MYSELF. NO ONE WOULD CARE ANYWAY. EXCEPT MAYBE CHINA.!!! CHINA WOULD CARE!!! CHINA WOULD F%#!’ING CARE!
photo courtesy: BrookeConnollyComedyArts
