THE ENERGY OF OUR SPIRIT SELVES
Sex magic at its finest does not just work with the energy of our physical bodies, but also with the energy of our spiritual selves. When I refer to our spiritual selves, I am referring to our essential selves. What is the essential self? Buddhist monk, writer, and teacher Thich Nhât Hanh refers to the image of a mountain and says that we are, at our very essence (or in our essential selves), the inside of the mountain. All kinds of chaos can happen on the mountain’s surface. There can be huge storms, mudslides, or avalanches. But the inside of the mountain is unaffected and doesn’t change. Your essential self is the inside of your mountain. It is eternally perfect, strong, and brilliantly radiating light in your optimal frequency.
There’s a simple way to experience your essential self. Sit quietly and close your eyes. Then silently in your mind, say hello to yourself. The one who is saying hello is your “personality self,” the mind. The one who is listening to or hears “hello” is your eternal, true essential self.
The most important thing to remember is that quantum physics has proven that this energy can never be created or destroyed. It can only be transferred or transformed. Your energetic self is the part of you that will live forever. It will not always live in this body, but it can never be destroyed or diminished. It is your impenetrable life force, and it is you.
It is more you than anything else about you. It is more you than your birthmark. It is more you than your freckles. It is more you than the lips you inherited from your mother. It is more you than the scar from your car accident, or your fingerprints, or your eye color. It is the part of you that existed before you were on this earth and the part of you that will exist after you leave this earth. This is your body’s energy, or what I like to call your energetic awareness.
Working with your body’s energy is the key to the most amazing, mind-blowing, powerful sex you’re ever going to have, yet for most of us it’s just a witness, not a participant. Learning not only to identify but also to bring awareness of your body’s energy into the bedroom is a life-changing way to forever elevate your sexual experiences. The truth is that bringing energetic awareness into the bedroom is not as straightforward as bringing your attention to your physical
body. It’s not about following the sensual clues that your physical body gives. But it’s simpler than you think. The following section provides you with a taste of what it’s like to work with your body’s energy in a way you can feel. The first place to start is with what I call the grounding meditation. What you are doing during the grounding meditation is coming back into your body; inhabiting it fully. It’s a key technique that you will use repeatedly when initiating some of the techniques you are going to learn to practice sex magic.
Grounding Meditation
You can listen to a guided version of this mediation at drlauraberman.com/sexmagic.
1. Sit or stand in a comfortable position. It works even better when you can be barefoot on the ground or grass.
2. Close your eyes and take some deep, slow breaths; in through the nose and out through the mouth.
3. As you slowly breathe in, imagine a beautiful, brilliant light streaming into your body through the top of your head. As you slowly inhale, imagine that light (any color that occurs
to you) filling every cell. Perhaps hold your breath for a beat while you imagine the light filling every corner of your body.
4. As you breathe out slowly, imagine that light shooting out your tailbone deep into the earth, making roots there.
5. Take five breaths like this, with the light flowing in through the top of your head and filling your body, and as you breathe out, letting it shoot out your tailbone deep into the earth, grounding you there.
Once you have completed the five grounding breaths, keep your eyes closed for a minute. How do you feel? You probably feel a little calmer than you did before. You also may feel some heaviness in your hips or other parts of your body. This is what it feels like to energetically inhabit your body! If you’re willing, I encourage you to ground as much as possible throughout the day. Put up sticky notes around your house or in your car that say “Ground” or set an alert on
your smartphone to go off every few hours. And when reminded, go through the steps above. You will find you are more tapped in and tuned in, have greater access to your intuition, and are primed to dive into sex magic as you learn the techniques shared throughout this book.
For now, I encourage you to continually ground yourself in your body. Then practice connecting to that energetic body by listening to your thoughts. Now, you might think, How can I listen to my thoughts while I’m thinking them? Because you have an energetic body! You have a built-in witness who is always listening. You’re just too distracted and busy to notice it noticing you. So make a conscious effort to pull up an internal seat. Watch your waves of thoughts come in and out like tides. Don’t attach yourself to the thoughts or let yourself make judgments about them. That is not the role of the energetic body. Judgment doesn’t exist for the energetic body. Does the sky judge the clouds or the stars? Does a tree judge its branches or the birds who nest in it?
No. Neither can your energetic mind judge your thoughts or your behavior. There is nothing you are doing “wrong” at this moment. There is nothing to fix. Nothing to perfect. Nothing to control. You are purely existing and noticing that existence. Feeling the fullness of each moment and considering it with curiosity.
Start making time for this practice every day. It will only take a few moments. Maybe even try building it into your day, such as when you’re on the bus or waiting at the grocery store or sitting on your yoga mat. Build up your tolerance for noticing without judgment. (It may feel intolerable at first, because boy, do we humans like to judge!) Your body is pure atomic energy. To practice sex magic, you must learn to sense the subtle (and often not so subtle) energies of your body and work with them. The exercises in this chapter will further teach you how to begin to connect with and harness those energies. They will also assist you in becoming more embodied, which is fundamental to experiencing maximum pleasure (more on this in chapter four). When you are in your body, you are in your full power. These exercises will help you come home to your body and fully inhabit your physical form.
