This week on Broad City, Ilana gets hired to house sit at a place with a washer-dryer set, and Abbi matches on Bumble with someone from high school. Hint: He wasn't her classmate. As always, check out our contributors’s reactions!
When Danielle and Lindsay go to watch the episode:
Danielle: This episode is called “House Sitting.”
Lindsay: They’re gonna break something!
When they are in the apartment:
Lindsay: That laundry room is the size of my apartment.
Danielle: Do you think this is what Lady Gaga’s apartment looks like?
Lindsay: Do you think Lady Gaga has medieval decorations in her house?
Danielle: Didn’t you see her house in her documentary?
Lindsay: She could have five houses.
When Abbi and Ilana find the bidet:
Danielle: Oh, a bidet! Have you ever used one?
Lindsay: No. Have you ever used one?
Danielle: I did and I messed up.
Lindsay: How did you mess up a bidet?
Danielle: Oh, this is totally a plug for Bumble!
Lindsay: I still need to know how you messed up a bidet.
Danielle: I just got the water over places I wasn’t supposed to. Are you supposed to sit on a bidet like a toilet?
Lindsay: I just told you I’ve never used a bidet!
When Abbi’s teacher shows up:
Danielle: Do you think he’s an English teacher or a social studies teacher?
Lindsay: Umm… Social studies.
Danielle: I was thinking that too, but then I thought English.
Lindsay: He could also be economics.
Danielle: They made you take that class?!
Danielle: I told you he was an English teacher!
When Lindsay gets an entrepreneurial streak:
Lindsay: Do you want to start a business and it’s men’s business suits with shoulder pads?
Lindsay: Like, a suitcoat with shoulder pads, but for men only.
Danielle: But why would they need shoulder pads?
Lindsay: Why do women wear shoulder pads?
Danielle: Oh. You’re right.
When Ilana and Lincoln are dressing up:
Danielle: She’s gonna poop in her dress!
Lindsay: That would be two poop episodes with Ilana’s poop!
Danielle: But what if she eats cheese?
When Abbi and Ilana were talking about Home Improvement:
Danielle: I don’t remember much about Home Improvement.
Lindsay: I was watching Home Improvement in its prime. Fourth grade was all about watching Home Improvement on Tuesday nights.
Danielle: I think I watched Home Improvement on Nick at Nite.
Lindsay: Oh. my. god…
When Ilana pooped:
Danielle: I knew she was going to poop!
Lindsay: They did that!
Danielle: It’s fine, they can just use the laundry room.
When Ilana and Lincoln are sharing their Google calendars:
Danielle: We should do that.
Danielle: Share our Google calendars.
Lindsay: I think it’s time.
When Lincoln and Ilana decide to separate:
Lindsay: No! I don’t want Lincoln to leave.
Danielle: Wait. What happened?
Lindsay: They’re taking time apart so she doesn’t become the Doritos.
Danielle: Oh, that’s so sweet.
When Jaime is on the staircase:
Danielle: Spiraling staircase! IT’S A METAPHOR FOR HIS LIFE SPIRALING.
When Abbi is about to sleep with her teacher:
Danielle: Have you ever read The New Yorker front to back?
Danielle: You missed it! They kissed!
Lindsay: Oh no.
Lindsay: There’s just so much bad stuff happening in this room.
Danielle: A lot of things were broken, just not objects.
Danielle: Do you think that was Abbi’s real teacher?
Lindsay: Mike Birbiglia is her real teacher?
Danielle: Oh, I didn’t know it was him.
Lindsay: He’s trying to think of child Abbi!
Danielle: OH, FUCK HIM.
Lindsay: This is not good timing.
Final thoughts on the episode:
Danielle: The only teachers you can have sex with are the ones that aren’t yours.
Images via Broad City/Comedy Central
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Lindsay and Danielle are Philadelphia-based freelance writers. Midwest native Lindsay's work, which you can learn more about on Twitter, has appeared on Care2, the Huffington Post, and One Green Planet among others. Wannabe Midwest native Danielle's work, which you can learn more about at daniellecorcione.com and on Twitter, has appeared in Teen Vogue, Esquire, and more.