This week on Broad City, Abbi’s gray hair takes her on a a journey of a lifetime and Ilana comes to terms.
When Ilana discovers Abbi’s gray hair:
Danielle: Have you ever had a gray hair?
Lindsay: Oh, I have a lot.
Danielle: I’ve never noticed.
Lindsay: I hide it well.
Danielle: You do.
Lindsay: Would you dye your hair when it started to turn gray?
Danielle: I don’t know. It’s definitely ageist.
Lindsay: I’d probably change it every color for fun until I get too lazy and let it grow out. Wait. Is that what happens when you get a gray hair? You turn into a witch?
Danielle: I don’t think that happens.
Lindsay: I don’t know. I’ve gotten a lot of gray hairs this year, but also learned a lot about astrology.
Danielle: That may not be how it works.
How to say acai:
Danielle: Oh that’s how you say it? A-sigheeeee.
Lindsay: I just avoid saying it to anyone.
Danielle: When I order it I just say “that bowl.”
When Abbi’s sitting at her table:
Danielle: How did she get that table there? Did she bring it on the subway? When I see people with a duffel bag on the subway, I just think they’re really brave.
Lindsay: Her table says Young Abbi! Because of one gray hair?
Danielle: Do you think that woman’s older Abbi or she’s just a witch?
Lindsay: Older Abbi
When Ilana visits the sex therapist:
Danielle: Massage? Is that what she’s doing?
Lindsay: I think she’s paying to jack off.
Danielle: Oh, she must be a sex therapist.
Lindsay: She’s making up being horny all the time!
Danielle: Why would she lie about being horny all the time? Is she insecure about coming?
Lindsay: Why doesn't Ilana just tell Abbi? They’re best friends!
Danielle: Ilana has no filter around Abbi, I don’t understand.
Lindsay: Oh my god, she named her vulva Abbi.
When the Trump montage happens:
Danielle: Oh no, no, no.
Lindsay: This is traumatizing.
Danielle: Why is it still happening? Oh my god! They bleeped out Trump’s name!
Lindsay: I’m very uncomfortable.
When the women montage happens:
Lindsay: I could watch this at the beginning of every day.
Together: MARGE AND LISA SIMPSON!
When Jeremy stops by Abbi’s table:
Lindsay: The neighbor!
Danielle: The guy she pegged!
Danielle: IS THAT HIS KID?
Lindsay: Ugh, I hate him.
Together: HIS WIFE CALLED HER ZABBI.
Lindsay: Oh my god, he called her a “struggling artist.”
Danielle: Girl, take his money.
When Abbi’s at the doctor’s office getting her face done:
Danielle: She’s sweating.
Lindsay: She looks horrible.
Lindsay: So much white supremacy in this doctor’s room!
When Abbi and Ilana go to the location old Abbi gave them:
Lindsay: It IS old Abbi!
Danielle: It’s gonna get weird. Do you think Hillary Clinton is going to be there? Remember when someone found her in the woods?
Lindsay: Oh, I remember that!
When Ilana is dying Abbi’s hair and find more gray hair:
Lindsay: That’s what happens. They creep up behind you, right under your hair. You have no idea it hit you.
After the episode:
Danielle: I think Ilana’s storying in this is really weak in this one.
Lindsay: But it had that amazing scene
Danielle: What scene?
Lindsay Not the traumatizing one.
Danielle: But I know sex writers who have had more sex since Trump.
Lindsay: Because you only live once.
Danielle: Right, nothing matters anymore.
Images and gifs via Comedy Central/Broad City
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Lindsay and Danielle are Philadelphia-based freelance writers. Midwest native Lindsay's work, which you can learn more about on Twitter, has appeared on Care2, the Huffington Post, and One Green Planet among others. Wannabe Midwest native Danielle's work, which you can learn more about at daniellecorcione.com and on Twitter, has appeared in Teen Vogue, Esquire, and more.