It’s okay for women to have sex as long as they don’t enjoy it or actually desire it. That’s so fifty years ago, right? Wrong.

Claudia Bellocq, in her blog, Claudia Bites! writes about being called a slut. Awful from a man, but worse still from woman to woman. Teenage girls do it all the time. When our hormones are raging, when we’re just becoming a sexual being, it's the thing we fling at another girl to hurt her, take her down a notch, ruin her reputation.

ADVERTISEMENT

But what exactly are we saying? We're accusing her of having sex, sure, but worse, we're saying is she’s not ashamed of having sex. Maybe she’s even enjoying it. She is, and this is what is unforgivable, she is unrepentant.

In St. Louis, a woman, identified only as TBK (The Beautiful Kind) was fired when a random Google search connected her with the sex blog she wrote. She took it down and was fired anyway. "When it comes to private matters, such as one's sexual explorations and preferences, our employees must keep their affairs private."

But if the company was only worried about the public nature of the blog shouldn’t the removal of it have been enough? "The fact that they...fired her (anyway) causes one to believe that it really is the content that they had a problem with..." said Tony Rothbert of the ACLU.

So, again, the sin was not having sex, but of being sexual and unrepentant.

Publishing a book is a big step for an academic in pursuit of a full time teaching career. Melissa Febos, adjunct at both SUNY Purchase and NYU, and author of the best-selling memoir of her years as a dominatrix, Whip Smart, is happy. And she’s aware of the potential backlash. "I’m often asked if I think the subject matter of my book will inhibit my chances of landing a full-time faculty position. I worry, yes, but know it’s beyond my control."

ADVERTISEMENT

Unrepentant.

Febos chose to be public about her past and I expect the book will continue to be successful enough to balance any negative publicity. This country was founded by Puritans--the worst thing you can be is unrepentantly sexual. But, this is also a country run by capitalists where the worse thing you can be is a financial failure.

Febos’ book is a best-seller. TBK didn’t make a dime from her blog.  If you’re going to be telling sexual tales, and you’re not begging forgiveness, you better damned well be making bank.

 

 

 Jodi Sh. Doff is a New York-based writer and photographer. Her work frequently includes autobiographical elements of drug-use, alcoholism, and the strip clubs and nightlife of New York City’s Times Square. As part of the harm-reduction/street-outreach movement, she educated and advocated for active addicts and street prostitutes, while working towards the decriminalization of prostitution.  www.onlythejodi.com