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We're bringing you this Q&A from the Sex Files in our July/August 2019 print issue, featuring advice from sexologist Dr. Carol Queen.

My long-term partner wants to get his cock pierced, and I don’t want him to. I know it’s his body and he can do whatever he wants with it, but I also feel like I should get a say, since we’ve been monogamous for over a decade. I don’t want to make a big deal about it or make him feel bad, but I also feel compelled to let him know that a piercing like this is definitely not my aesthetic preference. How should I handle this? –Cock Blocker

One way to approach him about semi-permanent alteration is to discuss function over aesthetics. In other words, what’s it going to be like to play with that blinged-up dick? Clearly, you have a dog in that race. Some folks with vaginas really dig cock piercings and find the extra sensation pleasurable, but not everyone does, and you’re well within your rights to consider how your experience could go. There will be a sensation change during sex for both of you, and either of you might like it or not so much. There can also be issues during intense sex; beyond just a change in sensation, vaginal and especially rectal mucosa can be delicate, and it’s possible to do some damage. Depending on the size and positioning of the jewelry, it may be very noticeable to you. That includes oral, and you’d need to take care not to chip any teeth. 

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You might note that it’s possible for a pierced penis to be sensitive to body fluids, and if you have or ever choose to get an IUD, opinions vary on whether a penis piercing could interact in a problematic way with the IUD’s strings. Under some circumstances, and this is one of them, he might need to adopt condoms for all or most insertive sex play. You could tell him the possibility of side effects worries you; many people have gotten trouble-free piercings, but if something goes wrong, it’s a gnarly place for infection, scarring, allergic reaction, or nerve damage. 

Besides all this, have you asked him what he seeks to get out of a piercing? It’s possible that he thinks you’d dig it and doesn’t realize it might be a turn-off. His reasons might be his own—as it is, as you note, his cock—but just in case he’s thought mostly about pros and hardly considered cons, this is a talk you ought to have before he heads down to the piercing parlor. And if you decide not to exercise penis veto power, make sure he visits someone who’s registered with the Association of Professional Piercers. –Dr. Queen

Got a sex or relationship question you need answered? Submit it here!

Carol Queen’s latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for EveryoneThis article originally appeared in the July/August 2019 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!  

Top photo by Kimia Zarifi on Unsplash

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