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We're bringing you this Q&A from the Sex Files in our May/June 2019 print issue, featuring advice from sexologist Dr. Carol Queen.

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How do I get over my apprehension about squirting? I can feel the pressure, and I want to, but I find myself waiting to finish with my partner, then releasing into the toilet.Juicy Lucy

This is a common enough problem that some people who wind up being happy squirters confess that apprehension about bringing all this wetness to the party used to shut them down, even to the point of being unable to come at all. You’re hardly alone, and there are definitely ways to get past this fear. For starters, can you identify the core concern? 

Does your partner know anything about the g-spot and ejaculation? Have you talked to them? If not, perhaps it’s time. If your sexual response includes squirting, you have to distance yourself from your sexuality to prevent yourself from doing so. “Waiting to finish” doesn’t sound like exuberant, mutual responsiveness, and if your partner is into you and your pleasure, they likely want you to feel all the feels. (If they aren’t invested in that? That’s another letter and another answer entirely.) Perhaps begin by telling them, “I think this is part of how I respond, and I feel like I have to hold it back with you because I’m nervous about how you’ll feel about it,” and go from there. There are great g-spot resources out there if your partner isn’t clued in. 

Prevent the wet bed easily with a moisture-resistant blanket like the Liberator Throe, or, if you don’t have access to a washing machine, you can use disposable underpads like Chux. Just put them underneath your butt and squirt away; you can toss them afterwards, and your mattress stays dry. 

Orgasm, including squirting, is an out-of-control few seconds. But it’s also a completely natural process. It’s a build-up and release of tension, and for a significant subset of us, that includes emitting at least a little bit of fluid. Gosh, if we were porcupines, we’d start off by pissing on each other! There’s seriously no shame in this, especially if nobody has to sleep in the wet spot. Let the pleasure flow.

 

Carol Queen’s latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

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Top photo via Flickr Creative Commons / Alejandro López 

This article originally appeared in the May/June 2019 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!  

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