We're bringing you this Q&A from the Sex Files in our March/April 2019 print issue, featuring advice from sexologist Dr. Carol Queen.
I can’t find any useful advice on how to best enjoy sex as a really thick-thighed individual. All I seem to hear is missionary, cowgirl, and doggy-style positions, and it’s hard to do doggy style when your partner’s dick is not long enough to compensate for the space your ass takes up. I don’t want to be limited to two positions, so what can I do? –Thick Thighs Save Lives
Anything that allows for deeper penetration may help you in your quest to get as much of your partner as you can. Wedges like the Liberator may allow for angles that your two bodies alone don’t achieve, both for missionary and rear-entry positions; slide one under your partner’s hips for a variant on the reverse cowgirl that angles their hips up, allowing for maximum accessible penis length. You can also try a sidesaddle version of cowgirl that involves sitting on the dick or dildo with both legs on one side (not straddling) and leaning back on your arms, which are on the other side of your partner’s body.
Give missionary a twist with the position known as splitting bamboo. Lay on your back while your partner is straddling one of your legs, and then wrap the other leg around their waist or rest it on their shoulder. Shifting around in this position might result in even more depth, so give it a wiggle and see. You could also try scissoring, wherein your bodies essentially make an X that positions the genitals together at a completely different angle and might provide more depth.
Then there are the sitting positions like face-to-face, yab-yum, and sidesaddle. People often do face-to-face on a chair so your legs can fit on either side of your partner, and you can snuggle as close as possible. In yab-yum, your partner sits cross-legged, with you in their lap facing them and your legs wrapped around the small of their back. This is a slow, intimate position, and its success, like some of the above options, partly depends on how flexible your hips are. Sidesaddle doesn’t have that drawback. Your partner is sitting on the sofa with their feet firmly on the floor, and you sit sideways on their lap, not spreading your legs unless you want to. This is like the reverse cowgirl variant above, only using actual furniture.
Everyone’s body is different, and not just in thickness, so play around and see which ones do you right. Don’t forget that anyone can wear a strap-on, even if they have a flesh-and-blood dick; a longer dildo can help you explore new positions together. Sex toys: they’re life hackers!
Top photo via Unsplash
Carol Queen’s latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.
This article originally appeared in the March/April 2019 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!
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