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We're bringing you this Q&A from the Sex Files in our August/September 2018 print issue, featuring advice from sexologist Dr. Carol Queen. 

 

I have a super sensitive gag reflex and it makes it difficult to give blow jobs. I’ve read about different techniques and numbing spray. What would be a safe way to minimize my gagging? —Blow Job Queen

I wouldn’t recommend numbing spray during sex and am not even sure this would do much good, since it’s not just the surface mucosa that’s responsible for gagging, and the spray wouldn’t affect the musculature below. Plus, then you’d swallow that stuff. Instead, think about a blow job as more than just trying to get a dick as far down your throat as possible. The most sensitive part of a penis is the head, especially around the coronal ridge. If your person stops thrusting as if your mouth was interchangeable with a vagina or other orifice, you can take your time, lavish that part with attention, add more sensation via hand stroking, and give a stellar blow job. If you want to add the fanfare that used to make you gag, here are a few technique tips.

First, note that most penises curve, and your throat curves, too. But often when we give a blow job it’s face-to-dick, and the curves do not match up. Kneeling in front of someone or between their legs mismatches this curve unless your person doesn’t have much of one, curves down instead of up, or is only semi-erect. Instead, come at the penis from above. Pay attention to the curve angle and try to match your throat accordingly. If you have gag reflex problems, never give a blow job with a partner kneeling over you—it’s just too hard to relax.

Second, tension in your throat can lead to gagging. One way to work with this tension is via deep breathing; it relaxes you and opens your throat at the same time. When you breathe in, let the penis in; control how far it enters you, especially at first, to give the gag reflex time to subside. When it pulls back, let the air out. Repeat. This is easier to manage than trying to breathe out as the penis comes in, blocking the air.

Finally, if your throat is at all dry, the friction of the penis-throat contact will be another gag trigger. Have some water handy; it can also help to slick up the cock with lube. Anything that causes a dry mouth (including pot!) is likely to be an impediment.

Most of all, you need to be in charge during a blow job, unless you decide to get all 50 Shades of Throat Fuckery with your boo—but this is not a game I’d recommend for you yet. You, not your partner, should decide how far the penis goes into your mouth, the speed of the movement, and all the other little elements involved. This allows you to relax, play, be sensual, explore, and gain confidence in your body, which is the only kind of confidence that will help with a gag reflex.

Carol Queen's latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Got a sex or relationship question you need answered? Submit it here.

This article originally appeared in the August/September 2018 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!

Top photo via MaxPixel.net

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