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Sweat drips down your back and your sheets are twisted around your legs, chaining you to the passionate prison of your partner's bed. Your hands are tied above you, rendering you defenseless against the intense heat that emanates from your partner's body, and their warm lips make your skin tingle. You no longer feel like a single person—instead, you're intwined so deeply with your partner that it's as if you've always been one. Everything's great and going according to plan.

That's what it's like every time you have sex, right? No? Me neither. For the vast majority of you out there, you can have all of the above, as well as a few other, well, let's call them quirks:

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Queefs! Farts that you try to play off as queefs! Genital piercing entanglements! Oozes that you've never seen before! Unfamiliar smells! Tightness! A wet noodle! Accidental anal! Pooping during anal! Your parents! Your ex! A fractured penis! Unwanted spanking! Concussions! Blood! More blood!

If you have any questions you're too embarrassed to ask your doctor or friends, ask sexpert Dr. Carol Queen! She's free, available and open for business, and she'll answer even the most ~scandalous~ questions! You don't even have to identify yourself—all entries are anonymous! Just click here to indulge your curiosity, and you might just be featured in our next issue! So go on, don't be shy.

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 Photo via Matthew Romack

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