Size: A roll of Mentos
Shape: Sailor Moon’s wand
Sound: A happy bee
Strength: Sugar-high sixth graders playing an agonizing game of footsie
Satisfaction: Does the trick!
Pairs with: A vodka-cream soda, a drink that I threw up multiple times at a bar called the Boobie Trap :-)
From third grade to sixth grade, I burned through three pairs of hot pink Chuck Taylor hi-tops, the kind Hilary Duff wears in A Cinderella Story. My Chucks, I knew, were feminine and sophisticated and edgy, and I paired them with stripy witch tights and ill-fitting boot-cut jeans and this weird brown poncho I owned that was seemingly made of craft store yarn. Basically, I was a glamour queen. I don’t know why more boys didn’t like me. (By “more boys,” I mean “any boys.”)
But now, since I have a real-life boyfriend and a septum piercing and a recurring yeast infection, I’m a cool grownup, and cool grownups use vibrators! I don’t know if they use the Lovelife Discover, though. It’s the vibrator equivalent of my pink Chucks. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those sneakers—but in fifth grade, I also loved the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Aly & AJ, and P!nk’s seminal album I’m Not Dead. The Discover is a mini wand vibrator, and it’s super sweet-looking, all pink and white and heart-faced. It’s designed to be a good beginner vibe, and that it is: It’s smooth and small and can be used externally or internally if you’re daring. There’s just not much more to it than that. The vibrations are suitably strong, with multiple settings, etc.
I like its wand shape because the round, grippy end makes it easy to use, and it comes in a heart-printed box that’s pretty dang adorable (do not underestimate the power of cute packaging). And the Discover couldn’t be simpler to clean or charge—it’s a wipe-down, USB sitch.
Pink hi-tops are kind of tacky and they don’t have any arch support. They’re solid sneakers, but you’ll outgrow them at some point. I’d recommend the Discover to someone who has never used a vibrator before and wants a gentle introduction. I now own approximately 300 vibrators (ha ha just kidding! It’s more like 500!) since we’ve started these reviews, so this one wouldn’t be my first choice. But, I mean. I still had an orgasm. Vaginas, amirite?
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