fling basic vibrations no rings

WeVibe Fling

Size: a chunky bracelet from Claire’s
Shape: a letter “C” that’s been sat on
Sound: low whirring
Strength: tingly
Satisfaction: who knows?
Pairs with: a bottle of red wine consumed via those curly straw glasses

My boyfriend is awesome and long-suffering. I mean that in general, because dating me can be kind of like trying to dress a cat in American Girl Doll clothes, but I mean it particularly when it comes to these vibrator reviews. Over the last several weeks there’s been a small vibrator army gathering by the side of our bed, watching us as we sleep, plotting to smother us with our own night-sweat-soaked pillows.

The WeVibe Fling is a (mostly hetero) couples’ vibrator. You put one end of it inside you and the other end rests outside, and then a penis can also go inside you while the vibrator vibrates. (I think fingers or a dildo or whatever else could also stand in for a penis in this scenario.) Sounds nifty, right? So many things can go into your vagina. Your vagina is like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag.

Anyway. We tried using this several times with no success. I’m definitely not saying that it can’t be used successfully! But for us (or, rather, for me) it was distracting and made this plasticky squelching noise when we moved. Not like a bodily sound, which is normal during lots of parts of sex, but like a plunger sound, or the sound of two Tupperwares fucking. It’s clearly a quality vibe, sleek in design and easy to use and clean, but it kind of felt like having a threesome with my boyfriend and an Apple product. And when my boyfriend and I have a threesome, our third isn’t going to be an Apple product. (It’s going to be super-DILF Jimmy Fallon doing his Neil Young impression, while he’s on coke.)

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