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The Womanizer

Size: 90s cell phone
Shape: chubby otoscope
Sound: dentist drill
Strength: exactly enough
Satisfaction: oh my god
Pairs with: an enormous margarita

There are lots of things about this vibe that made me giggle, from its name to its cheetah print handle to its big rhinestone button. If it could talk, my Womanizer would sound like a Long Island trophy wife. It comes in a pink zip-up case and looks like that thing a doctor sticks in your ear so they can see how much wax build-up you have (which as it turns out is a DISGUSTING amount, haha, kill me!). It isn’t particularly quiet. But oh my god, is it a great vibrator. I mean it. Holy shit, do I mean it. The white suction cup shape thing sits around your clit, and can be modulated for speed and intensity of vibrations by clicking the rhinestone button. (Okay, the website says it’s a “Swarovski element” but I’m dubious.) You can basically grab onto the Womanizer’s chunky handle, stick the thing between your legs, and hang out until you have multiple orgasms. Which you probably will. It’s wild. Cheetah print wild! Obviously, if you’re looking for something internal, this is not the vibe you want. It’s a clit-only kind of deal. It’s splash-proof and USB-charged. It also comes in MANY MORE color combinations, although now I’ve become rather partial to my Jersey Shore-themed Womanizer. And I’ve never even watched Jersey Shore!

I like this vibe a lot a lot because I’m mostly into clitoral stimulation when it comes to vibrators. If that’s you, too, I’d highly recommend this one.

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