In an average week, Madeleine Holden receives upwards of 100-200 dick pics. Which is fantastic, because Maddie is the creator of Critique My Dick Pic, a popular website where she instructs “senders” of all genders how to take thoughtful and artistic erotic photographs! A lawyer by trade, Maddie has a flair for writing and art criticism that makes Critique My Dick Pic entertaining, arousing, and occasionally even heartwarming. Her critiques are gentle and constructive. She assigns letter grades for submissions, and encourages senders to keep upping...

WeVibe Touch Size: a jar of artisanal mustard Shape: a Snuggie standing up Sound: whisper-silent Strength: a nice white lady in downward dog Satisfaction: yes ma’am Pairs with: a generous glass of Kendall-Jackson chardonnay The WeVibe Touch is the yoga mom of vibrators. It’s just, like, so centered. This is the vibe of scented candles and quinoa and switching from coffee to green tea. All your dude friends from middle school have a massive boner for your hot yoga mom (AND IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE,...

I’m out with my man and wonder if given the quality of this restaurant, I should duck out to the bathroom to take an injection. I conclude absolutely yes. When we’re at a regular pizza joint, it’s usually no problem to just shoot up real quick under the table. But at a top-hat-and-tails place like this, I have to keep my eye out. Waiters here stand and watch the patron’s every move to make sure they’re all being attended to. I don’t want to get...

Psychoanalyst Jeanne Safer has learned a thing or two about love through forty years of private practice and over three decades happily married to her self-proclaimed soul mate. She shares many of the insights she’s accumulated in her newest book, The Golden Condom and Other Essays on Love Lost and Found. The title comes from an incident almost fifty years ago when a hot and cold lover sent Safer a letter asking for advice on how to woo another woman. Instead, she spray-painted a condom...

The other day I had to ask my husband to spot me $20. He smiled and shrugged nonchalantly as he reached into his wallet. This scenario had become the norm in our house after I stopped working to stay home and care for our two young daughters. This scenario was beginning to bother me, as it was a blatant reminder of: 1) my lack of financial independence; 2) my impulsive tendency to spend and thus my inability to save money; and 3) the (growing)...

After first period, seniors began strutting the halls, spreading the salacious word: Today was sex day in Bible class. Living Christian High School’s version of sexual education was taught in Bible—as opposed to, say, Biology—because school administrators believed the sex act—if done right—could be transcendent. In science class, we memorized the stages of gestation. However, what came before fell under the purview of a man we’ll call Mr. Pastor, the Bible teacher, who also considered Rush Limbaugh videos to be curriculum.At the 2:45 p.m. bell,...

Image via HBO's Girls Q: What if I no longer like masturbation and cannot stand touching myself? I have explored and experienced solo sex. I am perfect at masturbation. I can give myself an orgasm every single time. But I would rather have someone else touch me. The thought of masturbation depresses me and I no longer desire solo sex. Even if there is a great fantasy involved, I just do not feel the desire to touch myself the way I did when I first discovered...

  I’m gonna be upfront: I have a pretty big marshmallow in this campfire. You see, I met my boyfriend on OkCupid! I was instantly drawn to his shapely nose (it’s a thing), and I messaged him right away because his “most private thing I’m willing to admit” was that he was terrified by E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial as a child. Wouldja believe it, so was I! It’s been nearly two years (aw babe!) and we still do not speak of the film. Shudder. Let’s keep it...

I was in a polyamorous relationship with a man and a woman, Nick and Jo. Polyamorous means the practice of having multiple partners with the consent of said partners. Conveniently enough, both of my partners were (and still are) dating each other, so in this particular situation the three of us were all dating each other. How did this happen? It began with a booze-filled night of me kissing Jo, knowing that she was dating Nick. I didn’t want to stop kissing Jo, and Jo...

Tantus Leisure Size: Kind of a banana? Shape: Child’s drawing of a penis Sound: Squelchy Strength: Ooof Satisfaction: We’ll talk Pairs with: A screwdriver The Tantus Leisure is a dildo for beginners. It’s long and thin and smooth and you can probably put it into any opening you want to with little trouble. It’s harness- and suction cup-friendly, so it’s super versatile, but the fact is, I have about as much interest in this dildo as I do in baseball (so basically, only if it’s portrayed...