Not that long ago a friend pulled me aside and said, “You know, if you lived a few centuries ago, I think you’d have been burned at the stake.”
It was meant as a compliment, and I took it as one.
Because what he meant was that outspoken women, loud women, women who didn’t sit still, who pushed boundaries or dreamt or loved or worked outside the tight confines of the lives assumed for them, those women were often rounded up and burned as witches. Because there was no room for them outside a witch pyre.
Fast forward two centuries. Those same women were labeled hysterics and chained inside concrete institutions instead. As we evolved the punishments for women who refused to sit down and shut up when told to became less physical. We simply shunned them, banishing them to the bottom tier of society.
Nowadays witch burning is metaphorical rather than literal. We don’t tie women to a wooden stake anymore. No, today women get shamed, harassed, and threatened in the media.
Same shit, different century.
Four centuries removed from barbecuing women and we still don’t know what to do with women who don’t STFU.
Oh sure, we may be far from the madding crowd taking pleasure in watching a woman sizzle and fry, but we’ve moved to a place where the madding crowd takes pleasure in metaphorically burning women in public discourse.
The pyres are now cable news shows, the logs op-eds, and the match is social media.
Same shit, different burn.
It’s not easy to be burn resistant, not when society whispers in your girlish ear that you’ll be admired more for your bustline than your byline, when from the first doll you’re given to the last child you birth you’re told women must be compliant and nurturing. We are still very much a society in which the most revered thing a woman can do is produce children, a society which applauds you for your achievements but with footnotes and codicils and a thousand pages of fine print.
We use women up until they’re no longer useful — usually around the time they hit their sexual sell-by date — and then we throw them out like so many old newspapers. Women who have failed, or lost, the train wrecks of society. We put them on the recycling pile where they’re expected to go gently into that good night.
But every now and again a woman comes along who picks herself up and refuses to go away. A woman who is resistant to the flames which were supposed to engulf her.
Hillary Clinton is only the most recent in a long line of women who will not burn. And boy, have they tried.
I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life, she said way back in 1992. And boy oh BOY, that one line managed to set off a catastrophic string of witch fires that have burned with near consistency for thirty years. She may not have the dragons, but this woman has walked out of more fires than Daenerys Targaryen.
And that drives people nuts.
We generally don’t know what to do with women who refuse to succumb to the flames we place them in, women like Hilary Clinton or Michelle Obama, journalists like Lauren Duca and Anita Sarkeesian, even entertainers like Madonna and Beyoncé. Women who have learned to walk through the flames rather succumbing to them.
In case you’ve been living under a rock, Hillary Clinton recently wrote a book. Like countless others before her, she wrote a book. Last time I checked, no one was forcing anyone to buy it, or read it. I highly doubt it’s on any high school required reading lists. Yet the book is selling well, and her supporters are lining up to hear her what she has to say.
And people are going ape-shit.
Ultimately this isn’t about whether or not you like or support Hillary Clinton. In fact, ultimately it’s not even about Hillary Clinton, the woman. It’s about not knowing how to cope with women who refuse to go when some tell her to go, to shut up when some tell her to shut up, to stay down when they tell her to. In the case of What Happened, it’s caused so much frothing outrage that entire news cycles have interrupted natural disaster coverage and policy unveilings just to opine on whether or not she has the right to continue to exist in the public sphere.
But of course it’s not just about a book. It’s not even about what’s in the book. If and only if the book was a four-hundred page opus of self-flagellation, perhaps it would have been about the book. Because generally it’s only when a woman lays herself bare at the altar of self-sacrifice we begin to feel the stirrings of sympathy. Only when a witch’s skin begins to pucker and burn are we able to dredge up a modicum of empathy.
But when a woman doesn’t do that?
Whoeee, mama. Pitchforks and hunting parties and more women rounded up and burned.
This is not about what is in the book. There is ample room to discuss the merits of Clinton’s writing style. There is room for disagreement.
What there is no room for is the insistence that she sit down and STFU. That she no longer gets to have a place in the public sphere because someone else is telling her not to. Plenty of politicians write books. I can’t think of another one who was told, before the book had even come out, that he had no business writing it.
Like her or hate her, Hillary Clinton has every right in the world to tell her story. She has a right to exist, to write, to stay standing, to stay speaking. She has every right to still be there, walking away from that smoking pyre and marching into that good night on her own terms.
In case it wasn’t crystal clear from the great cookie quote of 1992, Hillary Clinton is not going gently into that good night.
And this is at the crux of it. This refusal, the audacity of some women to continue to exist, to be relevant to those around them, to simply not die. It outrages people.
Women, after all, are supposed to burn when we tell them to.
There have always been women who don’t burn. Maybe someday soon we’ll stop trying to fan the flames even higher and acknowledge that sometimes the ones we try the hardest to quieten are the ones we should be listening to the most.
This piece was originally published at wineandcheesedoodles.com and is reprinted here with permission.
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Dina Honour is an American writer living with family in Copenhagen, Denmark. Her prizewinning work has appeared in magazines such as Hippocampus and Signature, as well as on popular parenting sites such as Scary Mommy and Your Expat Child. Her first novel, All the Spaces In Between is currently awaiting a forever home. Dina blogs regularly at Wine and Cheese (Doodles), where she regularly observes life at the four-way intersection of parenting, politics, relationships, and living abroad. Find her there, @DinaHonour, or on Facebook