Once a month, I live through literal hell for seven to nine days straight. My uterus is tied in knots and wrung out by the invisible fists of the devil himself. My soul touches the void. I pound ibuprofen and Tylenol by the handful for little to no relief. Eventually, I fantasize about removing my uterus all together because I see no other solutions in sight. What a life that would be, devoid of insufferable, never-ending menstrual cramps. Rainbows and butterflies and the ability to venture out into the world and skip down the street period-pain-free, instead of writhing and whining in my bed and ordering an XL, grease-soaked pizza to my door (which only ends up making me feel worse). Ah, the joys of owning a uterus.
If your menstrual experiences mirror mine, first of all, I’m so sorry, I feel you. Second of all, hold up – there could be a sliver of hope for us yet. Foria, a company known for its cannabis-infused products (including their well-renowned weed lube), has just released an ingenious and potentially life-changing product: marijuana-infused ‘tampons.’ I use the word ‘tampon’ loosely, because they aren’t technically classified as such: rather, the brand refers to them as suppositories. But, they are inserted vaginally in a similar fashion, and they’re a period product, so might as well call ‘em tampons (I guess?).
Anyway, here’s the lowdown on how they work:
The suppositories, which come in packs of four, are made up of only three ingredients – fair trade cocoa butter, THC oil, and CBD isolate from organically grown hemp. You stick it in your vag and, supposedly, the cannabinoids cause the nerves in the uterus, cervix, and ovaries to block out pain and relax the constricted uterine muscles (aka, the source of that nasty cramping feeling). Unlike something you ingest orally, (Midol, Tylenol, et cetera), the suppositories attack the pain at the source. The vaginal walls absorb the natural medications directly into the bloodstream, providing imminent relief.
They aren’t yet FDA approved, and there is no factual research to prove their effectiveness, but users, like this writer from Broadly, have reported nearly immediate and long-lasting results. “Within 20 minutes, my cramps totally disappeared,” said Mish Barber Way. “I was not surprised at how well the suppository worked. What I was surprised about was the longevity. Midol will wear off after about half a work day, and during most periods I'll pop six a day. But one Foria suppository did its job well into my evening.”
If, like me, you’re willing to try literally anything to relieve your menstrual misery, you can buy a pack of Foria Relief on their website.
Product Image via Foria, top photo via Broad City
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An excessively queer Aquarius with a LOT of opinions. Things I'm passionate about include, but are not limited to: writing (duh), my pet bunnies/animals in general, LGBTQIA+ issues, Sleater-Kinney, massive helpings of spaghetti, RuPaul's Drag Race, tacky horror movies, never shutting up about astrology/how gay I am, et cetera.
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