vintage new years 14

New Year’s and resolutions go hand in hand. The dawn of a new year is a siren call to lose fifteen pounds, rock a new ’do, or change our relationship status. The trouble with resolutions—besides the fact that we usually break them in like, a minute—is that they are based on the belief that we are not enough. We aren’t thin enough, pretty enough, loved enough.

I call bullshit.

Starting from a place of lack is like cruising dark alleys for approval. You’ll always need another fix, am I right? There will never be enough validation to heal your inner lack—not Facebook likes, not Times Square billboards of you in your size two’s, not marriage proposals. It’s an inside job.

The way to rock your best self is to embrace yourself. As is: messy, awkward, divine, beautiful, daring. When you view yourself in a positive context, you’ll want to improve as a way to honor yourself, not because you hate the skin you’re in. And you’ll begin to feel the difference between the two, because you’re not denying you.

I’m all about becoming the best version of yourself. I always aim to write better, serve with more empathy, kick more ass. And I’ve struggled with self-worth enough to learn when I’m coming from a place of lack, or from a place of Yay me, I’m going to rock this bitch!

And rocking this bitch is why we’re here. We’re meant for greatness. We’re meant to shrug off our supposed lack (ingrained into us as kids), and cultural perfectionism (ingrained into us as adults). We’re meant to make the leap of faith that we are worthwhile, just by existing as ourselves. This one act will change your life. You don’t have to believe it yet. Just be willing to take the leap, and embrace acceptance.

Starting from a place of acceptance is your point of power. It’s your clarion call to your best self. It’s your role as the universe in ecstatic motion, as Rumi eloquently said. It’s the you that was there all along, waiting to be loved up and given permission to shine.

I hope this New Year’s you stop giving a damn about scoring approval at the cost of your truth. I hope you choose to rise to your potential. I hope you choose you. And hey, if you want to lose fifteen pounds, glam out your hair, or get single or engaged, do it because you’re a boss ass babe, and you deserve it.

My closing words in The Little Vanilla Book: S&M Wisdom to Improve Everyday Life serve as an apt New Year’s manifesto:

Every moment is a brand-new chance to shine. Each second is the right one to step into you. Right now, you have permission to rise above. You can create a new intention and start fresh. We all get do-overs; it’s part of the human gig. The fact that life gives us do-overs is proof of its kindness.

Only one thing is required—not a sojourn to India or a neardeath experience or a diamond ring. That one thing is choosing. Right now, decide to reinvent yourself, do what you love, or discover your meaning. Vote yes for something, and commit to it. Deciding not to choose is surrendering power and saying that you’re not worth it. Oh hell no. You are a sacred feminine badass, a goddess, an extraordinary Jane!

Your choice sets everything in motion. Don’t let the bigness overwhelm you—start small. Choose you in this moment. Choose yourself like your life depends on it. As you walk your own path, be willing to fall. Be willing to purge your closet, your frenemies, your excuses, and your apathy. Be willing to be crazy scared, because the good stuff waits on the other side of that.

You are evolution in action. Your change is from the inside out. It starts from the deep you that was always there. Do you feel it? It’s divine, limitless, and the keeper of the groove.

Let’s become our own heroines. Let’s rise above our limits to rock our lives. Let’s fuck up and make messes, laugh and love. Let’s be true to ourselves even when it ain’t pretty. Let’s trust ourselves, bring the sexy, and swagger into the wild unknown. We’re in this together, arms linked and hips swaying.

It’s go time. Just take a stiletto step. Shout what you want as if anything were possible, and then give thanks and say, “This or something better now manifests for me.” Well done, you.

This is a guest post by Lux Alani, author of The Little Vanilla Book: S&M Wisdom to Improve Your Everyday Life.

Lux Alani took a dominatrix detour which transformed her vanilla life. She practices radical openness to empowerment, and her journey from vanilla to dominatrix and back is spank-full of insights. Lux has been a crisis counselor, international model, derby girl, and cultural activist. Her mission is to inspire sacred feminine badasses! For more encouragement, empowerment and enlightenment, visit Lux at

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