Every few months, I can’t resist the urge to download Tinder. The following thoughts typically ensue:

1. This is so stupid, I don’t even know why I’m downloading this…again.

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eye roll

2. I guess I should actually pick out some photos of myself to go up since it defaulted to my Facebook profile pic of my cat. Like my fifth grade teacher would always say, “Don’t just do it, do it right.”

robin

3. Should I write my bio in all emojis, or is that too suggestive?

anna

4. But the world doesn’t really use real words anymore—dating is basically how well you can place emojis into a conversation.

emoji

5. This bio needs to totally emulate how I’m like quirky yet mysterious, girl-next-door yet wanderluster, down-to-earth yet badass… wait who am I?

les mis

6. Okay, this works. This says it all.

7. Left. Left. Left, right left.

swiping

8. I’ve been swiping for like 10 minutes already, how do I not have at least one match?

i hate you

9. Left. Left. Left, right, left.

swiping

10. My whole life is a sham. A dirty sham where no one thinks I’m attractive enough to match on Tinder.

cry

11. I need to delete this stupid app.

oh no

12. “It’s a Match!” Ohmygosh.Ohmygosh.Ohmygosh.

match!

13. Should I text first? Or wait?

Michael Scott

14. Wait. Definitely wait.

spaghetti

15. Imma keep swiping...gotta keep my options open. Can’t put all my eggs in one match.

wahh

16. This is so superficial. I can’t believe I’m doing this.

eeek

17. But they just keep swiping right. 

 ahh

18. Great, now I have a message. Next stop, hyperventilation station.

ahh!

19. I wonder if eggplant is his favorite food?

20. What am I wearing? Well… an old volunteering t-shirt, yoga pants, and my retainer.

retainer

21. Does everyone on here want just a casual hookup?

maya

New Fall Issue d217c

22. But Carol’s sister’s nephew’s girlfriend’s roommate’s aunt met her fiancé on Tinder, so you never know, right?

tinder

23. I just want to sing “We Found Love In a Hopeless Place,” on my wedding day to someone.

wedding dance

24. Oh, I guess I shouldn’t have told him that.

carrie

25. Just keep swiping, just keep swiping.

dory

26. So many matches, so little time. #flawless

kimmay

27. “Make sure your face is never in the pictures, or the only thing in the pictures.” The world is a confusing place.

top

28. Drinks tonight? If I say yes, will it seem like I don’t have a life?

christina

29. “Tonight works!”

kay

30. Wait. What. Did. I. Just. Do?

ahh!

31. Now I actually have to go meet up with a human person, and have real-life-human-person conversation thingys.

frances ha

32. Maybe I can cancel.

 murder me

33. No, I shouldn’t cancel. It’s just a drink.

hermoine

34. Do I usually sweat this much?

sweat

35. Will he notice my friend is sitting in the corner?

friend

36. Phew, glad that’s over. He doesn’t like ice cream so never seeing that guy again.

ice cream

37. Why am I even on Tinder again? I don’t want a casual hookup, and I don’t want a relationship.

i'm coo

38. What do I want?

clueless

39. Oh that’s right: to be single.

amy

40. Time to delete my Tinder.

peace out

Photo via Tinder.

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