Spoiler alert: if you have been living under a rock and have not yet read or watched Harry Potter, first of all, I don’t know what you’re waiting for, and second of all, you probably shouldn’t read this blog. It contains spoilers, and I wouldn’t want to ruin the amazing experience that you can have as soon as you’re done chillin’ with worms. Not that I’m judging.

We ride-or-die Harry Potter fans know all about Lord Voldemort: that before he terrorized a nation of wizards, killed HP’s parents, and started a war that almost brought down the walls of the best school ever, he was just a kid named Tom Marvolo Riddle. As a student of Hogwarts, he  became interested in the dark arts and decided to change his name. He used the same letters in a different order and came up with "I am Lord Voldemort." The rest is history. But what if he landed on a different arrangement of letters? There are endless possibilities he could have opted for, and I, for one, think he should have picked either Dermal Drool Vomit, Dildo Lover Rat Mom, or Mild Doormat Lover. I mean, how much harm can a mild doormat lover really do? The Vulture  recently found Tom’s old notebook, in which he wrote down all of his rejected options, and shared it with us. So take a look and pick your favorite!

 

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Now that I’ve put the taste in your mouth for some good reading, I have more news! J. K. Rowling is coming out with a book for adults called The Casual Vacancy, and it’s reported that she will publish it on September 27th of this year. Goodreads gives us the following description:

New Fall Issue d217c

“When Barry Fairbrother dies in his early forties, the town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the parish council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity, and unexpected revelations? A big novel about a small town, The Casual Vacancy is J. K. Rowling’s first novel for adults. It is the work of a storyteller like no other.”

Yeah, I’m excited. I will love Harry for life, and I’m hoping the town of Barry lives up to the same standards. I’m also excited that you got to the end of this blog, ‘cause it means you are definitely not a dildo lover rat mom, which is my new favorite insult. Happy reading!

 

(Images courtesy of Vulture and Goodreads)

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