I've had my share of intimate rendezvous with a not-to-be-named musician or two, but I didn't realize the intricacies of dating a rock star until I was actually in a committed relationship with one.
The rock star relationship lifestyle ain't no walk in the park. Just ask the ladies of Rock of Love. Or don't...
1. They're not as cool as they seem.
In fact, if you stripped away all their stage-cred and hype, they'd just be talented guitar nerds. And if you're actually in love with one, you adore them because they're not nearly as cool as people think they are.
2. You're always worried about money.
Unless they're collecting royalties from their former days with Aerosmith, you're probably somewhat worried about your future together. It's a common misconception that if a band is popular, they make a lot of money. That is false. Bands can be well-known, perform in huge venues, and have played sets on favorite late-night television shows and members will still a.) not have health insurance and b.) wonder how they'll pay rent.
3. You have to go for a really long time without sex.
At least when you're single you have the option to prowl out and potentially lure a willing 24-year old sex kitten into bed with you. But when your significant other takes off on tour, you not only abstain from real sex for however long they're gone (3 weeks or 3 months?!) but you also just really miss your favorite person.
4. Communication can be really terrible.
Chances are, they're calling you from a hotel or venue lobby or bathroom, after load-out, before an after-party/long drive in the van/another concert, with only minutes to spare, maybe over a 12-hour time difference. They're also always exhausted on tour, so there's not a whole lot of quality conversation happening. Need to book plane tickets for Christmas? Good luck having that chat.
5. One word: YouTube.
If you want to feel included in the details of their day while they're on tour, you have to up the ante on your social media activity (or stalker skills, you choose). You keep a close watch on the band's Twitter feed and scour Google for any photos or write-ups you may have overlooked. And sometimes, when you miss them so much you can hardly find your breath, you'll wait 4–24 hours after their show for the clearest YouTube video just to see what they wore that day.
6. They're moody.
And you get to be the one on the receiving end. When they're on tour, they're not doing all the crazy shenanigans you think they are (well, not all the time). Most likely, they spent the first nine hours of the day in a van, then that van broke down, then they had to hitch a ride (with their gear) to make their show on time. And it was 104 degrees on stage. They'll load out at 2 a.m. sweaty, exhausted, and practically sober. Then they'll discover that their side-of-the-road-rocked van was broken into, and all their laptops were stolen. You'd be moody, too.
7. They really actually miss you.
Tour can be a lonely, isolating stretch of 3-hour-a-night sleeps, tension over a bandmate's attitude problem (or drinking problem), and general emotional exhaustion. And I won't speak for all musicians, but there are (believe it or not) some of them who stay completely committed. So even when they're at a rooftop party in Berlin drinking the best beer money can buy and getting glances from droves of pretty European girls, chances are, they'd still rather be in your arms, in bed, with an order of take-out to their right and unlimited kisses on their left.
So, in fact, actually dating a rock star isn't everything you always thought it would be. But if you're in a happy relationship with one, that's not the reason you love them anyway. And they--just as regular 'ole joes--are everything you ever wanted. Though I admit, a secure place in the VIP section is a nice perk.
--Deenie Hartzog, BourbonandGloss.com