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To The Men That Tell Women to Smile,

Nobody. Fucking. Likes. You.


You telling me to smile is basically saying, “Excuse me ma’am, but you have some SERIOUS resting bitch face going on.” Do you think that makes us happy? Cause if you do, please tell me your stretching routine. You must be pretty flexible to have your head so far up your ass.

Saying “smile” only makes us ladies want to frown more. We might be having a bad day, and now we know that it shows. Receiving this command pisses us off even further and makes our bad day worse. A person saying that you should change your current facial expression is not remotely attractive. Yet a part of me still throbs when I hear “smile” on a crappy day.

Oh, right, that throbbing is from the massive erection that you are giving my middle finger. However, I must conceal it, since society believes that flipping the bird is unladylike. But in all seriousness, sir, screw off.

So, the moral of the story — and this goes for people of all genders –– is next time you decide to tell someone to smile, don’t.

New Fall Issue d217c

Top photo: Broad City

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Danielle Keating got her start in writing by authoring haiku poetry in a magazine titled Exchange Students Online. From there, she began writing and submitting more works and now has fifteen poems and two nonfiction stories published. Companies that feature her work include Associated Christian Schools International (ACSI), Prolific Press, Animal Stories, and Eber and Wein. Currently, Keating is pursuing a degree in humanities with an emphasis in creative writing from Concordia University Irvine. (Estimated graduation 2019). Follow her on TumblrTwitter and Facebook.

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